Asians

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.

Victim suit: Whoa, whoa — what’re you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you’re trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!

–6 train, Grand Central

Overheard by: Christine

Asian girl #1: So Alicia is, like, half-Portuguese because her mom is Portuguese.
Asian girl #2: I thought she was Brazilian…
Asian girl #1: Yeah, Brazilian. And her dad is Italian. Like from Italy. He’s, like, a hundred percent.
Asian girl #2: Wow.
Asian girl #1: I know! It’s, like, unbelievable.

–Astoria

Chick: There sure are a lot of old people in this line.
Boyfriend: No they aren’t, baby. Do you mean Asian?
Chick: No! I know the difference!

–53rd & Lex

Overheard by: Emily

Asian guy: No, that was some pretty diarrhea. Did you see it?
Mexican guy: It was crazy, man. Wooo.
Asian guy: It was pretty diarrhea. Really.
Mexican guy: So pretty. We don’t got that shit in Mexico.

–Time-Life building lobby

Queer: Dude, I’m so horny, I’m thinking about considering Asians.

–Lil’ Frankies, 1st St

White chick: Hey! Enough with the pushing already!
Indian woman: No! No! No! This is not your living room. This is rush hour–so I pooosh and pooosh!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Little Asian boy: Guess what? I did it twice already this morning.
Mom: Did what?
Little Asian boy: Touch myself!

–Uptown M104 bus

Overheard by: Barry P.

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Girl #1: He’s a hip-hop artist; he has to have an Asian girfriend.
Girl #2: He already has one.
Guy: If he’s a real hip-hop artist, he has to have two.

–Spring & Sullivan

Overheard by: inge