Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!
–LIRR
Overheard by: meg
Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!
–Times Square
Overheard by: patrick
Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad
Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!
–107th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.
–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on
Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!
–R Train
Blonde girl: So, like, how was the sex?
Skank: It was great until he asked me to lick his asshole.
Blonde girl: Um, did you?
Skank: Well, yeah. He even paid me.
Blonde girl: Um, isn’t that prostitution?
Skank: Well, I met him in a bar and I thought he was cute…
–A Train
Overheard by: Ben Dover
Thug teen with high voice: I didn’t say, ‘Scratch the inside of your butthole.’ I said, ‘Scratch the inside of your asshole.’
Lady friend: What’s the difference?
Thug teen with high voice: ‘Butthole’ make it sound nice and almost innocent. ‘Asshole’ make it sound downright nasty.
–UA movie theater, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: The Bling
Crazy guy: Have you ever sniffed some good ass?
Suit: Huh?
Crazy guy: Have you ever smelled some really good asshole?
Suit: I would say… yes, I have. But I don’t really want to discuss it with you, okay?
–E 42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Big Larry
Headline by: space coyote
Runners-Up:
· “It’s Between Me and My Mother” – King of the Jews
· “It’s really more a question of taste…” – Rusty
· “Not now, Dad.” – again.
· “Wall Street’s Don’t Sniff and Tell policy” – Ceetar
· “What Happens at an HMO-covered Therapy Session” – Barry Negrin
Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peter L
Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.
–Christopher & 7th
Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!
–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn
Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?
–6 train
Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!
–Victoria’s Secret dressing room
20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!
–56th & 9th
Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I’d pee in her butt, too.
Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?
–Times Square
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!
–7 train
Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn
Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Keith
Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?
–32nd & 7th
Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!
–238th & Broadway
Overheard by: Miriam
Girl #1: Oh, look at the beautiful flowers.
Girl #2: They look like a man’s asshole!
–Key Foods, 4th & A
Overheard by: mikey
