Doofy man: My stripper friend has a tattoo on her back.
Woman: Oh, really..?
Doofy man: Yeah, and she said you can only understand it if you do me from the back. (laughs)
–Inwood Dog Park
Overheard by: infinite
Doofy man: My stripper friend has a tattoo on her back.
Woman: Oh, really..?
Doofy man: Yeah, and she said you can only understand it if you do me from the back. (laughs)
–Inwood Dog Park
Overheard by: infinite
Funny-looking guy with crazy goatee & glasses to the sales assistant by the table full of butt plugs: I'm friendly with this woman… She likes things in her ass.
–Babeland, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lara
Girl: It felt so good. He then stuck his finger up my ass. Just as I was about to say "No! No!" I came. Ugh, I swear my life is a joke… A joke!
–Murray St & Greenwich
Overheard by: James
Guy talking way too loudly on cell: Man, I just lay her down and say, "baby, you put yo' tongue in daddy's ass!
–W 3rd & MacDougal
Overheard by: Mathieu
Guy on cell: Cus he'd already been to the emergency room, 'cus he stuck a shampoo bottle up his ass.
–L Train
Thug to girl in catsuit costume walking by: Man, I'd eat yesterday's breakfast out of that ass!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Ed
Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.
–6th Ave & W 11th St
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: DAISYMAE
Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Kon
Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.
–SoHo
Overheard by: seal
Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!
–38th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Suit to guy in scrubs: How did you find her hemorrhoid?
Guy in scrubs: I gave it to her up the ass last night.
Suit: Win-win, I guess.
–Elevator, Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: ECW
Mailman: So, I think Javier and Richard are too good of friends, y'know? And I got to wondering, who does who?
Mailwoman: You mean who catches?
Mailman: Yes, who the fuck catches?
Mailwoman: I think Richard catches.
–East Village
Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait. What?
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!
–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Katie
Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Ryan K
Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Jean
Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.
–MTA
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Guy #1: My ass hurts.
Guy #2: The you should stop being so gay.
–Penn Station
Hip girl: They're playing a lot of songs about anal sex.
Hip guy: Wait, what?
Hip girl: You know, “move to the back of the bus” is anal sex.
Hip guy: This song is about Rosa Parks.
Hip girl: Seriously?
Hip guy: It's called “Rosa Parks.”
Hip girl: Well, Rosa Parks must have liked it in the ass. That's probably why she had to sit.
–Greenpoint
