Suit to guy in scrubs: How did you find her hemorrhoid?
Guy in scrubs: I gave it to her up the ass last night.
Suit: Win-win, I guess.
–Elevator, Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: ECW
Suit to guy in scrubs: How did you find her hemorrhoid?
Guy in scrubs: I gave it to her up the ass last night.
Suit: Win-win, I guess.
–Elevator, Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: ECW
Mailman: So, I think Javier and Richard are too good of friends, y'know? And I got to wondering, who does who?
Mailwoman: You mean who catches?
Mailman: Yes, who the fuck catches?
Mailwoman: I think Richard catches.
–East Village
Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait. What?
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!
–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Katie
Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Ryan K
Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Jean
Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.
–MTA
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Guy #1: My ass hurts.
Guy #2: The you should stop being so gay.
–Penn Station
Hip girl: They're playing a lot of songs about anal sex.
Hip guy: Wait, what?
Hip girl: You know, “move to the back of the bus” is anal sex.
Hip guy: This song is about Rosa Parks.
Hip girl: Seriously?
Hip guy: It's called “Rosa Parks.”
Hip girl: Well, Rosa Parks must have liked it in the ass. That's probably why she had to sit.
–Greenpoint
Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?
–Madison Square Park
Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.
–Broadway & Spring
Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!
–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St
Overheard by: RED
Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.
–Bryant Park
Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!
–W 18th St
Overheard by: Dan Friedman
Boy stumbling in: Yo, then I pulled out…and she shit on my foot.
Friend: Was she hot, though?
Boy: She was 200…180 pounds. Whatever…whatever floats your boat, am I right?
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: CMAC ATTACK
Drunk guy #1: Don't take this the wrong way, but I really want to take you home tonight.
Drunk guy #2: How am I supposed to take that?
Drunk guy #1, seriously: In the ass.
–F Train
