Chick: I can’t believe you can talk about how much you love your country, and you don’t even pay taxes!
Dude: I’ve paid more taxes than you’ve sucked dick. Which is a lot.
Chick, after long pause: I don’t know why you’re walking so fast — nothing’s happening when we get to your apartment.
–4th St & the Bowery
Girl, after getting foot run over by bike: Ow!
Man with bike: Sorry. (to friend) Look at her eyes, she's got blowjob eyes.
–L Train
Overheard by: Will
Woman to hobo hacking up a lung while smoking: You should quit!
Hobo: Kiss my dick.
–92nd & 1st
Overheard by: monster
Girl: Is it okay to swallow gum?
Guy #1: Yeah, if the guy’s been tested…
Guy #2: Dude, she said ‘gum.’
Guy #1: Oh… Awkward…
–Death Cab for Cutie show, Madison Square Garden Theater
Overheard by: Domi
Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!
–Wagner College
Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.
–Winter Garden Theatre
Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: David
High school girl #1: Did you see Juno?
High school girl #2: Oh my god! I loved it! Especially that song they sang!
High school girl #1: I know! I always try to get my boyfriend to sing like that with me, but he just tells me to get on my knees.
–79th & Lex
Hoochie #1: Jeffrey’s coming over tonight… Shit, I’m out of lube! And I’m broke. Fuck!
Hoochie #2: Use lip gloss. When you blow him, your lips won’t get chapped.
Hoochie #1: That’s why your lips are so nice!
–Union Square
Overheard by:
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
Guy: I’m so horny, I would fuck a mule…but only if it gave me head first.
–7 train
Overheard by: Ron Jackson
Hipster guy: Suck my balls.
Preppy girl: But…you have scabies.
–Grand Central
