A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Posted on December 15, 2019
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Choke, Cum, Fashion, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Prostitution, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Not So Fast, Lady; Let’s Go Back to “Dead Body”

Guy: The train car smelled like a dead rat today, I swear.
Woman: I know. It stays in your nose. It’s like a dead body. When you smell rotting flesh, it stays with you no matter what you do. Same with skunk.

–Office, 35th & 8th

Posted on December 9, 2019
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Death, Office, Public Transportation, Scents of the City

…Both Of Which Are Mortgaged

Man, in a fury: And then she said that you had three kidneys and you won't share none of them! That ain't true, is it?
Woman, dejected: No, I only have two kidneys…

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: traceface

Posted on November 29, 2019
Body Parts, Lies, Lower East Side, Men, Parks, Women

On the Internet I Do

Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don't stop I'll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?

–East Village

Overheard by: C

Posted on November 7, 2019
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Gripes, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Chambers

Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.

–Central Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Overheard by: It DID

Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.

–Harlem Polling Station

Overheard by: Joe

Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.

–113th St

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on November 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Love, On Cell, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Maybe Wallpaper the Fortress Of Solitude

Security guard #1: Yes sir, yes sir, I am definitely gonna put my pimp foot forward, yes sir, and then I'm gonna go home and change into my Superman outfit…and drink some coffee. Yes sir!
Security guard #2: Mmhmm!

–116th & Amsterdam, Columbia

Overheard by: camillia*

Posted on October 25, 2019
Body Parts, Coffee, Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Security Guards, Superheroes

It’s Pronounced ‘Dumas’

Boy: Oh man, my foot really hurts.
Mom: Well maybe if you weren’t such a dumbass it would get better.

–Columbus & 5th

Posted on October 25, 2019
Body Parts, Insults, Moms, The Bronx

“Revapidizing,” He Calls It

Young woman: Do you see this line on my face?
Friend: What line?
Young woman: This line. I must have got it from my internship. (pause) I think it's from… thinking. But I called my plastic surgeon, and he's totally gonna fix it.

–Columbia University

Posted on September 24, 2019
Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Physical appearance, Surgery, Women

A World Where My Sisters and Brothers Will Be Judged Not by the Color of Their Skin but by the Circumference of Their Ass

Hobo: Spare some change for the fucking poor? Yeah, that’s right, you fucking chinks. Fucking slanty-eyed flat-assed bitches! Suck my ass!
Asian woman: He said my butt was flat!

–114th & Broadway

Posted on September 16, 2019
Asians, Ass, Body Parts, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Manhattan, People, Places, Private Parts, Topics

Body Parts