(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
Bald construction guy: Dude, if you fell down while she was going down on you, I probably would have peed all over her. (swinging motion with hand at crotch area) Oooohhhh.
Suit: Oh my god, if you did that I would have started peeing on her too.
–Pizza Wagon, 86th Street
Overheard by: Trying to Enjoy my Lunch over here
Ex-girlfriend about ex-boyfriend: I mean, he’s not exactly the kind of person to say: "I hear there’s a really great documentary about genocide playing at the film forum."
–Café near NYU
Overheard by: robin
Chick with Super-8 to random stranger: Excuse me, would you mind being the pickpocket in our silent film?
–The Montauk Club
Overheard by: torchwood lesbian
Man on phone: I wanna watch it in June so I can watch it stoned… Watching Harold and Kumar not stoned is like eating bread without butter!
–Train to Grand Central
Girl: Indiana Jones is what type of movie? Is it a life movie?
–43rd Street and 8th Ave
Overheard by: Ferris
Girl to friend: Did you get it? There were like a lot of metaphors in that movie, like label versus no label.
–Chelsea Clearview Cinema, after Midnight Showing of the Sex & The City Movie
Girl to boyfriend: If I don’t like movies about belts, am I going to like this movie?
–Smith & Wyckoff, Brooklyn
Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"
–12th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Toto
Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.
–Pearl Theatre
Overheard by: Mariah
Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?
–Thai Restaurant
Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!
–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.
–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook
Overheard by: AeC
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
(silence)
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
(pause)
Mother: I mean, I’ve read about the holocaust, but I don’t know any specific authors.
–Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: David
Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
Kid #1: You may as well go. What are you gonna do if you don’t, go home and jerk it?
Kid #2: That’s the plan!
Random black guy walking by: I hope that’s not the plan.
Kid #2 (looking embarrassed): Well… that’s a plan.
–Joralemon Street
Male retiree: Do you have any books by Stephen Hawking?
Librarian: By him or about him?
Male retiree: I don’t know. An easy one. Did you know he has two kids?
Librarian: No…
Male retiree: Yeah, I saw him on PBS last night, he’s, you know… And he has two kids!
Librarian: He must be proud.
–Brooklyn Library
Teacher: Alright, so what are the positives and negatives about eating ice cream?
Student #1: It’s good on a hot day.
Teacher: Good. What else?
Student #2: (under his breath) It’s also good on a hot body…
Teacher: Let’s pretend you didn’t just say that.
–Edward R. Murrow Highschool Classroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: anonymous
Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?
–Shore Road, Brooklyn
Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: I like poetry.
Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.
–Delancey and Ludlow
Overheard by: Adrienne
Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: I’m staying silent…
Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!
–M34 Bus
Overheard by: nina
Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
