Professor, talking about Genesis: We covered the reason for loincloths last class.
Student #1: Wait, why was that again?
Professor: (silence)
Student #2: Adam had an erection.
Professor: Exactly. Thank you for cutting though the bullshit.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
Guy: You're not wearing any pants. We should have taken a cab.
Girl: We are in a recession, you can fondle me at home.
–50th St
Overheard by: Chris S
Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.
–Union Square
Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message
Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia
Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.
–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber
20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: spf
Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?
–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: onelinerwonder
Lady who lunches #1: Did you see that sad picture of the little African baby on the cover of the Times today?
Lady who lunches #2: I know, it is terrible, but didn't you love the hat it was wearing?
–Crosstown Bus M79
Overheard by: TimNH
Old man: Give the woman your seat.
Young man: I'm not giving nothin' to no one in a North Face jacket!
–6 Train
Overheard by: DrNels
Random guy to boy wearing fishnets and boxers: Yo man! I like your pants!
Boy: Thanks! They're really breezy!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Scarface
Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?
–Ave A & 10th
Overheard by: Kira
Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny
Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!
–24th & 7th Ave
NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: lollin.
Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: J J
Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.
–L Train
Overheard by: ooshua
Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!
–Union Square
Overheard by: kpan
Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?
–Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms
Overheard by: Growing pains
Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: Julie
Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits…in my head
–36th & 7th
Overheard by: Top Chef
English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.
–LaGuardia High School
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Girl to gay guy: If you were a bird, you would totally be one that wore a tuxedo every day.
Gay guy: Lets go to the Bronx Zoo.
–45th & Lexington
Overheard by: CBro
