Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Must have been a good night?
Drunk girl #1: God, we need to find our way back home to New Jersey…
Drunk girl #2: Oh my god! Yes! I would blow someone to get home now.
Drunk girl #1 to stranger: Hey, are you from New Jersey?
–Port Authority
Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I'm shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I'ma shit!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: missed my train
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
Barista: See, in this one you can mold your very own candles into the shape of wax pine cones in a multitude of colors.
(quiet drunken silence)
Drinker: Well, which colors?
–Bowery b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Jen
Drunk guy holding bottle of milk: If she's upstairs… I'm gonna strangle her… I'm gonna strangle her! (starts choking bottle of milk, drops bottle, and it breaks) Ain't that a bitch!
(to passing strangers) Happy St. Patrick's Day!
–25th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Adam
Woman: Nothing says "ferry terminal" like fish with moustaches.
–Battery Maritime Building
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy in quiet, crowded elevator: Do you know if jellyfish reproduce sexually?
–Google's NYC Office, 15th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Derek
Teen girl to friend: But your shrimp ate a fish alive? Is that what happened? I don't believe you. Shrimp can't eat fish. It's like part of a food chain or something.
–Metro North Railroad
Overheard by: Jessica S.
Excited tourist girl among crowd of Chinese people: I can smell the fish!
–Grand Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Angelina
30-something female customer to H&M employee: Do I smell like I just ate fish?
–H&M
Overheard by: julia
Really drunk girl in front of gallery: I would fuck him for lobster!
–26st St & 10th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Charlotte
Girl to drunk friend: You are drunk!
Friend: No! I am a human being!
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Emm
Drunk girl in green #1: I'm not shit-faced.
Drunk girl in green #2: No? Then what are you?
Drunk girl in green #1: Oh! A green truck!
–Park Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: I saw it too.
Hungover girl #1: I remember you saying you were going to vomit.
Hungover girl #2: Yeah, I said “I'm gonna vomit.” and you said “me too. I just made out with Tony.” And I said “no, I'm actually going to vomit.”
Hungover guy: And then we threw up at the same time. It was like magic.
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Have a good night?
