Drunk girl in Rangers jersey: You guys won't guess how old I am. (hands her ID to drunk guy)
Drunk guy: Well, you're legal… But you're not legal to drink.
–Metro-North Rail
Drunk girl in Rangers jersey: You guys won't guess how old I am. (hands her ID to drunk guy)
Drunk guy: Well, you're legal… But you're not legal to drink.
–Metro-North Rail
Drunk guy: I summon all the single ladies to my personal sleeping quarters. Somebody come up here and kiss me! I'm an outstanding kisser and an excellent swing dancer! Girls, boys, hermaphrodites, I don't care!
Drunk guy's friend: If you think this is bad, you should've seen him at the Billy Joel concert… He peed on my foot.
Drunk guy: Only because you were wearing sandals!
–Citi Field Stadium
Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!
–Hudson & W 11th
Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!
–Stanton & Allen
Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh, dear.
Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.
–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport
Checkout guy: I want to get laid too.
Drunk blonde: It's okay. I already got laid. Do you think you can pass lays? Like transfer them?
–Duane Reade, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: maggie
Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Must have been a good night?
Drunk girl #1: God, we need to find our way back home to New Jersey…
Drunk girl #2: Oh my god! Yes! I would blow someone to get home now.
Drunk girl #1 to stranger: Hey, are you from New Jersey?
–Port Authority
Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I'm shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I'ma shit!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: missed my train
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
Barista: See, in this one you can mold your very own candles into the shape of wax pine cones in a multitude of colors.
(quiet drunken silence)
Drinker: Well, which colors?
–Bowery b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Jen
Drunk guy holding bottle of milk: If she's upstairs… I'm gonna strangle her… I'm gonna strangle her! (starts choking bottle of milk, drops bottle, and it breaks) Ain't that a bitch!
(to passing strangers) Happy St. Patrick's Day!
–25th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Adam
