We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on July 21, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Illness, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Smoking, STDs, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

When I Drink, I Seem to Be a Verb

20-something boy: I gotta head out to the j train.
20-something drunk girl: There's no such fucking thing as the j train!
(20-something boy stares blankly and points to sign for the j train)
20-something drunk girl: You're so… Ughhhh!
20-something boy: That's not even an adjective.
20-something drunk girl: It doesn't have to be an adjective!

–Broadway Junction

Posted on July 18, 2010
Boys, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Public Transportation, Words

Oooh, a Lawyer…

Drunk girl in Rangers jersey: You guys won't guess how old I am. (hands her ID to drunk guy)
Drunk guy: Well, you're legal… But you're not legal to drink.

–Metro-North Rail

Posted on July 18, 2010
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Sex, Trains Not Subway

Hold Up– You Guys Went to a Billy Joel Concert?

Drunk guy: I summon all the single ladies to my personal sleeping quarters. Somebody come up here and kiss me! I'm an outstanding kisser and an excellent swing dancer! Girls, boys, hermaphrodites, I don't care!
Drunk guy's friend: If you think this is bad, you should've seen him at the Billy Joel concert… He peed on my foot.
Drunk guy: Only because you were wearing sandals!

–Citi Field Stadium

Posted on June 11, 2010
Dancing, Drunks, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Music, Offers and requests, Pee, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Queens, Shoes

Wednesday One-Liners Love You, Man

Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!

–Hudson & W 11th

Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!

–Stanton & Allen

Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh, dear.

Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.

–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Hipsters, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sorority Girls, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

It's Called “Crabs”

Checkout guy: I want to get laid too.
Drunk blonde: It's okay. I already got laid. Do you think you can pass lays? Like transfer them?

–Duane Reade, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: maggie

Posted on June 1, 2010
Clerks, Drunks, Duane Reade, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sex, Wishes & desires

Gosh, I Miss Middle School!

Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.

–17th & 5th

Overheard by: Must have been a good night?

Posted on June 1, 2010
Drunks, Friendship, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Meet the Classiest Chicks in Jersey

Drunk girl #1: God, we need to find our way back home to New Jersey…
Drunk girl #2: Oh my god! Yes! I would blow someone to get home now.
Drunk girl #1 to stranger: Hey, are you from New Jersey?

–Port Authority

Posted on May 27, 2010
BJs, Drunks, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Port Authority, Strangers

…Just Like It Says on My T-shirt.

Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I'm shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I'ma shit!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: missed my train

Posted on May 20, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Poop, Questions, Train Station

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!

–42nd & Broadway

Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?

–Diner, Washington Heights

Overheard by: April Marks

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Botox, Boys, Clothing, Drunks, Facebook, Fitness, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Store, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Drunks