Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.
–A Bus
Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.
–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!
–139th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!
–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Got Knocked Out
Wall Street suit #1: Wait, wait–you did it in her parent's house…while her parents were home?! You dirty dog!
Wall Street suit #2: They have a water bed!
Wall Street suit #1: Dude!
–Au Bon Pain, Broadway & W 3rd
Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: V
Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.
–Duke's Deli, SoHo
Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.
–Outside IFC Center
Overheard by: when is it ever?
Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean C.
Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lily Caulfield
Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!
–1 Train
Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?
–L Train
Overheard by: john.ainley
White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!
–Veniero's Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Amy
Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.
–Max Restaurant, Tribeca
Overheard by: Shringle
Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!
–52nd & Lexington
Overheard by: NMT
Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: CNaughty
White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"
–Dorm Building, Cooper Union
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Dude who's that chick in the picture on your phone?
Tall friend: Oh, it's my niece.
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Buzzkill.
–Bowlmor Night Club
Overheard by: Revere La Noue
20-something male #1: Dude, all she did all week was stay out late, get drunk, and hook up with random guys.
20-something male #2: Yeah, but that's what vacation is for.
20-something male #1: Not when it's your 13-year-old sister!
–Gramercy
Overheard by: She said she was 19
Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.
–Bus
Overheard by: wishing i was still 8
Man #1: Yes you did!
Man #2: I didn't fuck your grandma!
–Central Park Zoo
Drunk man to couple in booth: Hey, hey, are you two siblings or are you dating?
Woman: We're siblings.
Drunk man: Are you sure? Because sometimes when I'm with my sister I tell people we're dating.
Man: Yeah, we're sure.
Drunk man: Okay, well, I'm going to Central City. How long do you think it would take to get there?
Man: Pennsylvania?
Drunk man: Yeah.
Man: By train or walking?
Drunk man: I'm gonna walk, motherfucker!
Man: At least a couple of hours. I think you're going to need a few more drinks.
Drunk man: Yeah man! (to woman) You look like you could be in Pirates.
Woman: Yeah, I get that a lot.
–Tick Tock Diner, 34th St
