Read These Wednesday One-Liners to Induce Vomiting

Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.

–Park Slope

Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!

–LIRR, Huntington Line

Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!

–Lafayette St

Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.

–Grand Central Station

Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.

–Fordham Law School

20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: BrooklynBorn

Posted on May 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Excretions, Families, Food, Fordham, Friendship, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Store, Students, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Make Me Sick

Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down.

–Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd

Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up.

–AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th

Overheard by: their waitress

Posted on April 30, 2015
Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Suits, Upper East Side

Ten Bucks Says She's Talking About the Statue

Crazy Asian bag lady: My pasta! Who took my pasta!? You! (points to yuppie guy) You took it!
Yuppie guy: Lady, does it look like I need your pasta?
Crazy Asian bag lady: Calm down, asshole, it's just pasta. I think I told David he could have it.

–W 52nd

Posted on April 29, 2015
Asians, Bag ladies, Crazies, Crazy, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Thievery, Yuppies

Parfait.

Man with cowboy hat: I think I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman behind counter: Parfait?
Man with cowboy hat: Huh? Um, no. I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman: Parfait.
Man with cowboy hat: No, thank you. (walks away)

–Deli, 53rd St

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Posted on April 27, 2015
Chinese, Customers, Delis, Food, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Maybe We Should Be More Specific With Our Tags

Lady #1: I don’t care what anyone thinks!
Lady #2: Yeah!
Lady #1: I like watermelon!
Lady #2: I hear ya! We can eat whatever we want!

–Central Park

Overheard by: ashley

Posted on April 26, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Central Park, Eating Out, Food

French Fry Addictions Destroy Lives!

Girl to homeless man #1: Here is my leftover food, if you want it.
Homeless man #1: Thanks.
Homeless man #2: You stupid bitch, why don't you just give him crack?

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: SJP

Posted on April 19, 2015
Default, Food, Girls, Hard Drugs, Homeless, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Washington Square Park

We Used to Throw Bottles, But Why Waste Good Liquor?

Hispanic mother with child on Halloween, to liquor store vendor: You got candy?
Vendor: No, no candy.
Mother to child: Know what happens when they don't got no candy baby? They get egged.

–Liquor Store, 12th St & Ave A

Posted on April 17, 2015
Alphabet City, Food, Latinos, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Weirdness

Great, Now the Kid’s All Horny

A mother and daughter catching snowflakes on their tongues.

Mother: I caught one, did you catch one?
Daughter: Yes!
Mother: Mine was too small, it tasted tiny.
Daughter: I got one!
Mother: What does it taste like?
Daughter: Power!

–2nd Avenue & 9th Street

Overheard by: Alexander Romanovich

Posted on April 17, 2015
Food, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village, Weather

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Maeve

Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread.

–Duane Reade

10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up.

–Christopher St & Waverly Place

Overheard by: sharknife

Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater.

–NYU

Overheard by: ninja z

Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys.

–Conde Nast Building

Overheard by: jackattack

Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock.

–34th & 7th Ave