Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable

Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot…

–Astor Pl

Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait

Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!

–Midtown

20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.

–Outside Century 21

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on August 18, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Education, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Porn, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Store, The Village, Weirdness, Words

They Should Start Selling Souvenir Bandanas

Tourist girl: Oh my god, did you see them? Did you see the lesbians?
Bored guy friend: Yes.
Tourist girl: That was so cool!

–1st & York

Overheard by: Not quite as excited

Posted on July 18, 2018
Compliments, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Questions, The Village, Tourists

Then Have an Ugly Spud Shaved and Brought to My Tent

Straight girl #1: Go find me a cute boy!
Straight girl #2: Ok! I will… But he’s not going to be into you.

–Pride parade route

Posted on June 14, 2018
Dating, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Parades & Festitivites, Sexuality

Your Boyfriend Must Be Incredibly Sexually Frustrated

30-something guy: Don't tell me you have a boyfriend, I know that's not true.
20-something girl: Actually, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say “I don't do dick.” But cool, have a nice day! (smiles and leaves)

–Grand Central Shuttle

Posted on May 18, 2018
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Lies, On the Subway, Penis, Relationships, Sexuality

Right Between My Broccoli Florets

Girl #1, smoking: She was such a lesbian. She made vegetable lasagna. Vegetable lasagna!
Girl #2, in disbelief: Wait–so her culinary choices dictate her sexuality?
Girl #1: Well, then she fingered me.

–Zombie Hut, Smith St

Overheard by: double d

Posted on May 17, 2018
Brooklyn, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Weirdness

And Idiot Is Not a Protected Class, So Watch Out.

Guy #1: Wow, they indicted five cops in that beating last year in Shenandoah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The victim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mexican.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mexican?
Guy #2, after pause: Everyone on this train thinks you are a fucking idiot, and I agree with them.

–Uptown 6 Train

Posted on April 25, 2018
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Questions, Race

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

Posted on April 9, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Beauty, Body Parts, City College, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Latinos, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Store, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Good Luck Explaining This to the E.R. Doc, Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.

–Hunts Point

Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.

–26th b/w 9th & 10th

Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?

–10th & Hudson

Posted on April 1, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, On Cell, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

Believe Me, You’re Better Off Not Knowing

Girl: You know what I really hate?
Guy: What?
Girl: Gays, queers. You know, that kind of stuff.
Guy: Ah…but you watch yaoi.
Girl: So?

–Odessa, Avenue A

Overheard by: allison

Posted on March 19, 2018
Assholes, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village

Until I Fuck You with a Strap-On at Intermission

Girl #1: I was so impressed with him! He immediately identified me as bi. No one else had ever done that before.
Girl #2: I know. When I came out three months ago, I called everyone I knew, and they were all surprised.
Girl #1: And here we are at Hamlet, sitting here in dresses! No one will ever suspect!

–Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on March 6, 2018
Central Park, Clothing, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Sexuality, Theater, Theater & Dance

Gays and Lesbians