Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!

–52nd & Lexington

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!

–Penn Station

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.

–Midtown East

Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too

Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."

–West Village

Overheard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Religion, Sex, West Village, Words

Kept Asking How Much of a Monthly Payment I Wanted

Girl #1: … And then he texted me, ‘I hope all is well.’
Girl #2: Oh, well that was nice.
Girl #1: Nice? ‘I hope all is well’?! Does he mean, ‘I hope all is well now that I’ve scraped your vagina out’?!
Girl #2: Well, I mean, he is a used car salesman…
Girl #1: Oh my god. You’re right. Oh my god, I got fingered by a used car salesman!

–12th & University Pl

Posted on February 10, 2015
Etiquette, Foreplay, Girls, The Village

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

But He's a “Maybe” for “Monday Night Sex N' Scrabble”

Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party?

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on February 10, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Facebook, Friendship, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Parents, Questions

The Pain Is Easier to Endure Than the Humiliation

20-ish girl #1: My grandmother said chewing gum is illegal in Singapore.
20-ish girl #2: No way.
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, if they catch you they cane you! In public!
20-ish girl #2: That sucks.
20-ish girl #1: My grandmother says it’s an acquired taste.

–R train

Posted on February 9, 2015
Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, On the Subway, Rumor Has It, Violence

I Smoke Too Much Kraków

Girl #1: My friends all say I should hook up with him because then I can say that I hooked up with someone from Poland.
Girl #2: You mean Portland?
Girl #1: Oh, right, I always get those two mixed up!

–46th & 7th

Posted on February 9, 2015
Girls, Global Geography, Hook Ups, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Words

For One Thing, “Le Penetrator” Sounds a Lot Classier

Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?

–Kittichai Restaurant

Overheard by: Brandy

Posted on February 9, 2015
Backdoor, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Languages, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-liners by Dolly Parton

Girl: Have you seen my mom’s titties?

–A train

Overheard by: Matt Gossett

Posted on February 9, 2015
Girls, On the Subway, Rack

Life’s Vile Enough As It Is; Why Make It Worse?

[Young black girl bumps into a young white girl rounding a corner.]Young black girl: Oh, I’m sorry miss, excuse me.
[Young white woman gives the young black girl a nasty look, and continues walking.]Young black girl: I don’t know why da fuck I use manners anymore.

–Lehman College

Posted on February 9, 2015
Accidents, Black People, College, Default, Etiquette, Girls, White People, Women

Is It the Book Concept That Confuses You?

Young chubby girl: Oh, gosh! Another book with Taylor Lautner on the cover!
Young skinny girl, confused: What?
Young chubby girl: Taylor Lautner is on the cover of another book. You know? The guy from Twilight!
(long pause)
Young skinny girl: What?

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Posted on February 9, 2015
About Celebrities, Books & Writing, Girls, Movies, Skinny People, Store, Union Square and East Village

Girls