Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

NewsFlash: Subway Fare Increases Drive Many to Desperation

20-something Asian girl: She's a freak. She's made out with a 65-year-old Chinese man.
20-something Dutch girl: Maybe he looked 40 then.
20-something Asian girl: He's still 65.
20-something Dutch girl: Hey, age ain't nothing but a number!
20-something Asian girl: What?!
20-something Dutch girl: No, actually that is not okay. He even has a special Metrocard so he can ride the subway for a discount.

–11th & Ave C

Overheard by: CM

Posted on December 2, 2008
Age/Aging, Alphabet City, Asians, Girls, Gossip, Physical appearance, Questions

From The Alcoholic Miser's Guide to the Big Apple

Server: Would you ladies like iced water or bottled water?
20-something girl: Do we have to pay for bottled water?
Server: Um, yes.
20-something girl: Oh, then no. I'll just have a beer.

–Pisticci Restaurant, La Salle & Broadway

Overheard by: Edd

Posted on November 28, 2008
Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Waiters

Hippies Are Into Sexual Assault?

Hippie chick #1: Dude, I fucking love Demuth.
Hippie chick #2: I know, right!
Hippie chick #1: If I ever met that man, I'd totally rape him.
Hippie chick #2: Oh my god! I would too!

–The Met

Posted on November 28, 2008
Girls, Hippies, Rape, The Met, Visual Art, Weirdness

It's Been My Fantasy Since I Was a Little Girl

Black girl: And I told that nigga that one of these days he's better goddamn fuck me sober!
Friend: Damn straight!

–67th & Lexington

Overheard by: Oliver Woodhead

Posted on November 27, 2008
Black People, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Sex, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Tired of Making Out With Two-Dimensional Losers

Girl wearing 3-D glasses: Dude, I wish I could go through life three beers deep and wearing these things.
Friend: Yeah, you'd make out with everyone.

–W Lounge, Fashion Week

Headline by: Karl

Runners-Up:
· “I Wear My 3-D Glasses at Night…” – Lisa K
· “It’d Be Like the Penis Is Coming Right at You!” – Joeritos
· “Megan’s Parents Would Come to Regret Taking Her to the Hannah Montana 3-D Movie” – Claire
· “So Basically Normal, But With Glasses” – Ross
· “The Bush Twins Can Finally Be Themselves” – Svenn Diagram

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 27, 2008
Drinking & Drunk People, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Parades & Festitivites, Wishes & desires

Just Like Buddha Was the Easter Bunny.

Girl #1, about street preacher: Oh my god, I cannot believe he said Jesus was the devil.
Girl #2: I know! Jesus was Moses. Duh.

–Times Square

Overheard by: joanna

Posted on November 27, 2008
Girls, Jesus, Satan, Times Square, Weirdness

“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Least-Nasty Wednesday One-Liners We Could Find

Middle aged lady on cell: Lots of people say Dallas is really nice. Lots of nice people, nice weather. What do you have against it?" (pause) That was in '63!

–M79

Party girl to cool guy: Why can't you let me be nice? I'm not nice to anyone.

–77th & York Ave

Overheard by: UES Suit

Flamboyantly gay guy to crowd of girls at Pinkberry: You know, I was just trying to do something nice, and this is how you treat me? Fuck y'all, I'm gonna be the next President. (storms off)

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: scarface

Garbage man to another: Man, Attica is the best prison. High class. That shit is nice!

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: eliza

Suit on cell: I wonder what his wife is like. She's probably nice, but rich. You know what I mean.

–2nd Ave & 88th St

Woman on cell: Nice people just can't tell if they're pregnant.

–W Houston & Varick

Overheard by: courtney messer