“No; I’m more well hung than he is.”

College Professor: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Female Student: I have one sister and a twin brother.
College Professor: Are you identical?

–American Musical & Dramatic Academy, UWS

Posted on October 30, 2020
Family Ties, Girls, School, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Um…Yes

(guy sits next to perfect stranger)
Guy: Are you dating someone?
Girl: No.
Guy: Can I have your number?
Girl: No.
Guy: Is it because I’m black?
Girl: Of course not.
Guy: Is it because you’re a lesbian?

–C Train

Posted on October 23, 2020
Black People, Dating, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race

Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brooklyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on October 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Hoping to Recapture the Life She Had Before Me and You

Little girl: Where’s mommy?
Father: I told you, sweetie. Mommy’s getting her new tattoo.

–10 St & 6th Ave

Posted on October 19, 2020
Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Parents, Questions, Tattoos, The Village

Nothing to Compete With That

Girl #1: What did you do last night?
Girl #2: Wandered around Goldman Sachs with a Sesame Street pillow. You?
Girl #1: Um…

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on October 4, 2020
Clothing, Default, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Leisure, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, TV, Weirdness

…in Bed

Girl #1: You know Alex?
Girl #2: Yeah, he loves me, but not in a sexual way. He just thinks I'm awesome.

–Dorm Elevator, Columbia University

Overheard by: Chopin's Edna

Posted on October 2, 2020
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Elevators, Girls, Love, Questions, Sex

Wait– Aren't You a Creative Writing Major?

Girl: And I had to buy my own scalpel, too.
Boy: Well, at least you'll have one now.
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: You never know when you'll need to skin a cat.
Girl: Or a person…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: why do i go to school here?