Wednesday Loves the Smell Of One-Liners' Hair

20-something suit on phone: Yeah, man. Just come over. We can spoon and talk about chicks and shit.

–Wall & Pearl

Overheard by: traceface

Thug to another: Those bitches be cuddlin' your wounds!

–42nd St

Hispanic woman on phone: Yeah, it's crazy snowin' outside. (pause) Uh-huh, yeah, you wanna cuddle. (pause) Hahaha, uh-oh! (pause) Uh-oh, spaghetti-o! (pause) Haha, no, you've already done that. (pause) Hahaha… You've done that already. I have to spin the other way now.. (pause) He he he, you're crazy. Hee heee. (pause) Well, you have a lovely day inside a warm place!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Crazy lady to herself: Does anyone wanna snuggle me for the hell of it? (five minutes later) Why are all these people here? Is it a workday? Cuz if it is, I'm going to get fired. I need a beer!

–G Train

Overheard by: LaughedOutLoud

Guy at cafe: I have pillows just for spooning.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on March 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Street, Suits, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…Wait– You and David Hasselhoff?

Guy: Guess what? We had sex.
Girl: (gasp)

–8th St & University Pl

Overheard by: JBeck

Posted on March 23, 2010
Girls, Guys, Sensory Experiences, Sex, The Village

Not Being Inclined to Wait for the Seven-Year Itch

Girl #1: That looks like your wedding band.
Guy: Yeah, it could be mine.
Girl #2: What?
Guy: Two months after we got married, I threw my wedding band into the ocean.

–Brooklyn Flea Market

Overheard by: Ferris

Posted on March 23, 2010
Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Marriage

Your Editors Are Afraid to Google It…

Chick, feeding the birds: Look at how fast they're eating!
Slender guy: Uh-huh, those birds have a great gag reflex.
Chick: Eww!
Slender guy: Yeah… That one would make a good candidate for pigeon porn.

–Queens

Posted on March 23, 2010
Birds, Food, Girls, Guys, Porn, Queens

Back Before It Was Popular

Guy #1: Yeah, we lived together for a couple of months.
Guy #2: Where at?
Guy #1: Rikers.

–F Train

Posted on March 22, 2010
Guys, On the Subway, Prison, Questions, Relationships

Taking Diet Advice from Suzanne Somers Is So 1994.

Guidette: This weekend I'm going on a fat diet.
Disinterested guy: True.
Guidette: Suzanne Somers did it…I can't believe it worked.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Shaggy

Posted on March 21, 2010
About Celebrities, Diet/Weight, Guidettes, Guys, Trains Not Subway

Afghanistan's the Place for That Sort Of Thing

Girl: You know how, like, Chris* lives in the Bronx?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: And you know how like there are drive-bys there all the time, right?
Guy: (gives her a skeptical look)
Girl: Well, Chris* was going home late the other night and there was a drive-by! He says he saw blood and everything! Can you believe that? Blood! Ewwwwww!
Guy: If you witnessed a drive-by shooting your first reaction would be, “ewwwwww!”? Mine would be “I gotta get out of here before I get shot!”
Girl: Anyway, it just proves my point about the Bronx.

–6 Train

Posted on March 20, 2010
Blood & bleeding, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Weapons

How Threesomes Happen: A Simulation.

Young girl: Are you Jewish?
Thirty-something guy in suit: No. Are you?
Young girl: No.
Thirty-something guy in suit: Why? Is that a prerequisite for a one night stand?
Young girl: Am I seriously hearing this?

–Blind Pig, 14th St

Overheard by: Seventh Floor Walk-up

Posted on March 20, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Guys, Judaism, One Night Stand, Questions, Union Square and East Village

…Now Correct Your Posture or I'll Burn You.

Harridan: Put out that cigarette! Put it out! You can't smoke on the subway! Put it out!
Hobo: (puffs)
Bro: Sir, would you please put out the cigarette?
Hobo: Sure.
Bro: Thank you.
Harridan: You wouldn't put it out for me! Why did you put it out for him? Do you hate women? Was it your mother?
Hobo: He said “please” and “thank you.”

–2 Train

Posted on March 19, 2010
Etiquette, Gender issues, Guys, Hobos, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Smoking, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Satan, Store, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Time, Travel, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Guys

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”