20-something dude to friend: I didn't mean to hit you with my Johnson.
Friend: Of course not.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: pumpkin
Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?
–Corner of 145th St
Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?
–Washington Square
Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…
–4th & Broadway
Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Ashley
Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: thivnav
Woman on cell, sitting at counter: The baby's not out yet…as in "it's still inside her."
–McDonald's, Varick Street
Overheard by: Jordan
College student: It's like taking candy from a baby…only, ya know, I'd ask the mother first.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dara
Dork walking by Babies "R" Us with friends: Dude, look! I totally wanna buy a baby!
–Union Square South
Guy on cell: That shop smells like babies!
–Union Square
Drunk man in Santa hat to all train passengers: I know all you ladies want to have babies for Christmas, but there's no time for it! Close your legs, there'll be less heads.
–L Train
Overheard by: Handley Elizabeth
Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.
–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building
Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.
–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway
Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!
–Queens
Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.
–Astor Place
Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard
White hobo, descending from second floor: Hey! (entire restaurant freezes) Yo, fellas–stay black.
(complete silence)
Black guy: Yo, man–stay white.
–Burger King, Herald Square
Girl: I don't know why the express stops at Shea Stadium. No one ever gets off here.
Guy: True.
Girl: I mean I can understand if it's during the baseball season… Actually, even then no one gets off here.
–7 Train
Girl to friend: I mean, if he was rich I would pretend to like him; but he's not, so…
–46th & 3rd
Guy on street to couple: Baby girl, you're just embarrassing yourself. Don't do it. You know you're just with him for his money cuz everyone knows white men ain't got no dick.
–5th & 32nd
Ghetto young man: That is why I'm gonna marry a rich white woman. My daughter needs a good life; my sugar mama can pay for her to go to a private school. I'm a playa, but I gotta marry a rich white woman for my baby girl.
–A Train
20-something guy to friends: So this chick I like says "let's wait until you start making money til we start dating." So I said to her "what makes you think I want to date you once I start making money?"
–St Mark's
Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore!
–50th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Kate
Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it!
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning.
–Governor's Island Ferry
Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday!
–18th & 3rd
Overheard by: Maria
Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies.
–PJ Clarke's
Guy #1: Hey, where do lamb chops come from? What animal?
Guy #2: (shrugs shoulders)
Guy #1: I think they come from a pig, like pork chops, but a different part of the animal.
Guy #2: Sounds about right.
Guy #3: Are you fucking kidding me?
–96th St & West End Ave
Dude to friend: You know what I mean, right?
Friend: Yeah, you mean he's rich, right?
Dude: Yeah, he's rich, but he's not independently wealthy. I mean, if he didn't have all that money, he wouldn't be rich.
–88th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: P. Marino
