Guys

Wednesday One-Liners Go Balls Out

Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!

–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York

Overheard by: Me too

Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.

–30th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Beef Cheeks

Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.

–Park Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: fey

High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.

–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus

Overheard by: Krisztina

I've Got Mounds of Hatred Today

Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.

–D Train

Overheard by: Oh snap!

Betrayal Is My Anti-Drug

(Outside American Apparel)
Dude sitting on bench: How you gonna have me as one of your top 8 friends on MySpace and not hook me up with drugs?
Dude leaving store: Fuck you, nigga.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: pink panties

Don't You Care About the Third Anniversary of Our Second Date?

Girl: Guess what this weekend is?
Guy: Someone's birthday? Every week it's something's fucking birthday.

–42nd St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: yoni

My Long-Term Career Goal Is to Get Some

Guy: Did you look at my resume?
Girl: Yeah. It was pretty good, but I made a couple of changes. I added “pussy” to your interests.
Guy: Great idea! It makes me sound more diverse.

–Lafayette

Max Sometimes Awakens in the Wrong Body

Drunk guy outside window: Where am I? I know I'm in Brooklyn…
Drunk girl: Yeah, we're in Brooklyn.
Drunk guy: Yeah, but what borough is Brooklyn in?

–Atlantic Avenue

Overheard by: Jonah

Almost As Good As When the Gay Guys Do It

Overexcited white male: She just pulls my bathing suit down and starts…and then she lifts up my legs and starts licking my asshole!
Fascinated white male (laughing): Whaaaat?! …so, what did it feel like?
Overexcited white male: Dude, I'm not gonna' lie, it felt kind of good. Like a tickling, tingling sensation.

–C Train

Overheard by: tom o

You Really Don't Want a Random Sample of Who's Available

Guy on cell: I'm 35. What? That's too old for you? Age ain't nothing but a number, baby. And, I work sometimes too. And I don't smoke. Well, I smoke, but I don't smoke smoke, ya know. And, I've only been in jail once, but that was a long time ago and I've learned. I even read now.
Girl nearby to friend: See, I told you signing up for match.com would be a bad idea. You can never tell who'll answer your ads.

–Atlantic Ave & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Susan

Dude, He's Scottish— You're Lucky You Weren't Kilt

Dude #1: You know, Gerard Butler has it good. He's good-looking, but not too good-looking, he's not that ripped…
Dude #2: What the hell not ripped? Gerard Butler is stacked!
Dude #1: He's totally not. He may have been for 300, but I asked him to lift up his shirt, and he's not.

–Elevator, The Met

But Strictly Speaking, They're Broasted

Hipster chick: What do you do for fun when you're not busy with work?
Hipster dude: Set children on fire.
Hipster chick: They still do that in the city? I thought that died down years ago.
Hipster dude: You have to look hard for a good place, but I know one where you can roast small Aryan children for like $2.50 a pop!
Hipster chick: What a deal!
Hipster dude: I know.
Hipster chick: Man, you know where to get all of the good stuff.

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Oz

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