Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Posted on August 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Crazies, Duane Reade, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Insults, Kids, NYU, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

And the Day Is Young

Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you're pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.

–Hot Dog Vendor near WTC

Overheard by: JB

Posted on August 26, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Guys, Hot dog stands, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

All Overs a Cities

(girl is shrieking)
Guy: What? There are mouses all over the city.
Girl: It's mice.
Guy: Right, that's what I said. Mices.

–37th & Lexington, Murray Hill

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on August 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity, Words

Can I See It for a Nickel?

Sketchy guy: How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Drunk chick: I have a dickel.

–Landsdowne, 43rd & 10th

Posted on August 25, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

There Is No Taco Bell at Penn Station, Douche.

Guy to friend (as a security guard makes people stand up): See? You really can't sit on the steps of The Met anymore.
Friend: Is it because of the tourists? God, I hate the tourists. I saw tourists taking pictures of a Taco Bell at Penn Station today. Those fuckers.

–Steps of The Met

Overheard by: April

Posted on August 25, 2008
Default, Friends, Guys, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Pictures, The Met, Tourism, Upper East Side

One of the Many Perks Of Dating a Kennedy

Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!

–NYU

Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder

Posted on August 24, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, NYU, Relationships, Sexuality, Students, Teens

How to Come Out to Your Friends in One Easy Step

Guy #1: You know, I really did love her. It just wasn't going to work out.
Guy #2: I'm so sorry, man.
Guy #1: It's okay. I have time to go to the gym now.

–N Train

Overheard by: ltrain

Posted on August 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fitness, Guys, Love, On the Subway, Relationships, Time, Weirdness

You May Have Broken Up With Me, But at Least I Don't Use the Phrase “Shacking Up”

Chick holding shopping bags: Oh my god! Stan! I haven't seen you in like forever!
Chick's ex: Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Shacking up with girls, the like…you know. (chick eyes him over for some time) I look fantastic, don't I? (walks away)

–W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: friend of the ex

Posted on August 23, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, West Village

Guys