Lesbian: Rachel's dying her hair again, she's going back to redhead. She's so dedicated! Every time she changes her hair color she makes sure she does the whole job, just for me!
Friend: Uh, doesn't one usually do the “whole job” when dying hair?
Lesbian: No, no, I mean she dyes *down there*, you know?
Friend: Ah, right, gotcha. (pause) Uh, wasn't she lime green last month?
–F Train
Customer holding $300 worth of lighting equipment: You know, if you want to give me a discount that would be totally fine with me.
Only non-hasidic employee in sight: Sorry sir, its not my store…I don't even have the right haircut.
–BH Photo
45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!
–Houlihans Restaurant
Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old
Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.
–86th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alan
British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Just around
Guy #1, to friend with shaved head: You look like a penis.
Guy #2: Yeah, well…you have red hair. (mumbling) Freaky ginger child.
–M86 Bus
Girl: Imagine if you're fat? You would die.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Girl on cell: I just don't trust her, she's fat. Fat girls always cause problems.
–3rd Ave & 40th
Overheard by: Liz
Overweight teen girl to friend: It's like, I'm kind of hungry but like I don't feel like eating anything. (a minute later to cashier) I'll have three bacon cheeseburgers, large fries and a frosty.
–Wendy's, Union Square
Overheard by: I was starving and bought less
14-year-old girl to group of friends: I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.
–18th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Will
Senior ad exec to junior art designer: What the fuck doesn't this guy understand? The machine literally sucks fat out of your body! So we can't show a girl with a huge ass and huge thighs in the ad! Get it the fuck together!
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: agree to agree
20-something girl: I think I look fat when I don't have armpit hair.
–Canal & Mott
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: Alistar Spencer
20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.
–Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Sam
Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!
–Union Square
Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!
–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: POLA
Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: baby g
Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.
–St. Mark's & Ave. A
Girl on cell: Wait, so you're telling me this guy has a Mohawk and he doesn't drink?
–Lower East Side
Girl to boyfriend, excitedly: I haven't washed my hair in weeks!
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: MC
Girl to finance boyfriend: No, really, it's okay that you like to gel your hair.
–Outside Tavern on the Green
South Carolina girl: In South Carolina we would call your haircut a mullet, but since you have gel in it, it's called "Long Island hair."
–Hell's Kitchen
Hipster girl on cell: You know your hair is too long when it gets caught in your armpits.
–Central Park
Angry man on cell: That mole! With the hair growing out of it!
–62nd b/w Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Laïla
Older woman (after cast runs off naked): I was looking, and I was glad to see that all of the women had hair down there.
–Delacorte Theater, Hair Intermission
Overheard by: Musicn3rd
