Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Hey, Can I Help That I'm a Planner?

12-year-old boy: Hey guys! We are gonna take a day this summer and just do stuff! Like have sex and stuff!
9-year-old boy: That's all you ever talk about!

–Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ahahahahahahahaha

Posted on June 16, 2009
Brooklyn, Holidays, Kids, Sex, Tweens, Weirdness

Except, Of Course, a Big Grin.

Travel agent: But they do give a wristband to all-inclusive guests and…
Slightly pudgy woman, in exasperated voice: But I don't usually wear anything on holidays!

–Travel Agent, 23rd St

Posted on June 1, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Fashion, Fat People, Holidays, Nudity, Store, Travel

“Cancun,” Loosely Translated, Means “Filthy Twenty-Somethings”

Girl on train #1: Yeah, that was when I was snorting coke out of Maya's fake nails.
Girl on train #2, appalled: Ew! That's so dirty!
Girl on train #1: It was spring break in Mexico, everything was dirty.
Girl on train #2, shrugging: True.

–A Train

Posted on June 1, 2009
Body Parts, Cocaine, Girls, Holidays, On the Subway, Passengers, Travel, Weirdness

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 13, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Panhandling, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

My Drunkenness Has Been Sub Par, Though.

Girl #1: Are you going away for spring break?
Girl #2: No. I wish I could.
Guy: I'm not. I'm auditioning for that reality show.
Girl #1: Oh, good luck.
Guy: But I'd better get it…I've been sleeping with all of them.

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: KMW

Posted on April 11, 2009
Girls, Holidays, NYU, Promiscuity, Sex, TV, Wishes & desires

Except When We're Striking

Teamster #1: Don't you ever take a day off?
Teamster #2: Every day is a day off.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Posted on April 7, 2009
Columbia University, Conductors, Holidays, Jobs & Careers, Questions

Except for That Three-Day Vacation in the Tombs

Man, entering subway and noticing religious freak speaking: Hey man! Good to see you! Where have you been all summer? Did you take a day off? Jesus doesn't take a day off!

–1 Train

Overheard by: J-OY-K

Posted on February 13, 2009
God Squad, Holidays, Jesus, Men, On the Subway, Questions

But Maybe We'd See Tim Curry!

Son, coming out of The Plaza hotel: How come we didn't stay here?
Father: Because that would have been our whole vacation.

–The Plaza Hotel, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on February 2, 2009
Dads, Families, Holidays, Hotels, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Tourism, Travel

Wednesday Fa La La La Liners

Nerdy middle aged white woman to postal clerk: Yes, I'd like just one sheet of the Disney, and one of the Kwanzaa.

–Cathedral Station Post Office

Overheard by: Emily B.

Woman yelling down a stairwell: Happy holidays to you, ma'am! Hope you choke on a candy cane!

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Daisy Mae

Girl: One morning, I woke up and I thought it was Christmas. Then I went outside and I realized it's not Christmas!

–57th & Columbus

Overheard by: Have a holly jolly Columbus Day?

Irish tourist woman: You went to Macy's? Did you see outside? They have black Santas here.

–Brendan's Bar

Overheard by: Danny

Old guy scanning tickets, singing quietly to self after each bar code beep: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!

Conductor on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly. In case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, feel free to stop by the Metro North booth. You could buy a 10-trip for the kids, a weekly for the wife, or a one-way for the in-laws. Merry Christmas.

–Metro North

Overheard by: Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Clerks, Conductors, Disney, Family Ties, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Holidays, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, One-liners, Passengers, Post Office, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Holidays

But Maybe We'd See Tim Curry!