Hipster guy: So, are you doing anything tomorrow night?
Girl: I don't think so.
Hipster guy: Cool. I'll get you the address for the place my band is playing at. We can hang afterwards.
Girl: Awesome!
Girl's mom, to hipster: Don't bother. She's 17. And you're a pedophile.
Hipster guy: Oh. Right. Sorry. (leaves)
Girl: Goddamn it, mom! You're such a fucking cockblock!
–Jules Jazz Bar
Overheard by: Millie
Boys in group, walking past novelty shop: Booong! Booong! Booong!
Irate friend: That's not a bong, that's a dildo, dumbass!
–6th Ave & W 4th St
Overheard by: theincredilbong
Oblivious teenage girl: Are strip cubs illegal?
Less oblivious friend: Um, no. Why would you think that?
Oblivious teenage girl: Cuz while I was going out with Matt he said something about a strip club getting busted.
Less oblivious friend: You went out with Matt? You slut!
Oblivious teenage girl: No, if I was a slut I would have known whether strip clubs are illegal or not.
–Central Park
Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.
–181st & Bennett
Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!
–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.
–Henry & Court
Overheard by: Alex
Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.
–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day
Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.
–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zoe
Guy, bitching to older woman about roommate: I see her maybe once every ten days.
Woman: Is she a dominatrix?
Guy: No, she's just a dumbass!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: David K.
Male customer to UPS guy: Do you have a boxcutter I can use?
UPS guy: Uhhh… no. Just use a key or something.
Female suit waiting in line: I've got a boxcutter. (pulls it out of her purse)
UPS guy: What the fuck?
–UPS
Tourist counting her group, which is clogging sidewalk: Carla? Has anyone seen Carla? Okay, Marie? Marie?
Passerby, interrupting: First, let me thank you for visiting our city. We appreciate it. Second, get out of the fucking way.
–Broadway & Canal
Drunk suburban girl: Come on! Let's go dance around in the fountain and take pictures of it! I love this city!
Begrudgingly sober suburban girl: Fuck this city. If we don't make the 12:37 back I'm going to drown you in that fountain.
–W 48th St
Gay guy #1 to girl: I only say these things to you because I'm your best friend.
Gay guy #2: Bitch! I'm her best friend!
Girl: Great. Now you guys are totally going to fight for me.
Gay guy #1: I will fuck him up right here. That's how much I love you.
–14th St & 9th Ave
Student: Wait so why is everyone switching to blue ray?
Professor: Because the film industry follows the porn industry. (pauses) That's the truth. That's where all the money is.
Student: (stares blankly)
Professor: What? It's a billion-dollar industry. I can't be the only guy who buys it.
Student: (stares horrified)
Professor: Fuck you. I have tenure.
–Tisch School of the Arts
