White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack.
–Q54 Bus
Mom: I wish you were gay.
Adult son: So I would dress better?
Mom: So I’d have an excuse to hate you.
–L train
Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!
–57th & 3rd
Overheard by: Duluthian
Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.
–Nathan's, Coney Island
Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?
–Penn Station
20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.
–8th Ave & 15th St
Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.
–Amtrak Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Paige
Student: Have you seen the show Freaks and Geeks?
Dean: Yes. It reminds me of all of you!
–Bard High School Early College
Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany’s. Today I eat walnuts!
–Trader Joe’s, 14th St
Construction worker #1: My girlfriend is being deported.
Construction worker #2: Why, 'cause she's illegal?
Construction worker #1: No, 'cause she's a fucking whore.
–38th St & 9th Ave
Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Korky
20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Claire H.
Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.
–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre
Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."
–Chambers St Subway Station
Overheard by: sarah
Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.
–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place
Overheard by: Any Britney Song
20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.
–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway
Skinny twink #1: I know that guy.
Skinny twink #2: You know her, that guy from the chorus, the concert-soloist, that guy who blew you at Splash, and now him! That makes the fifth person you've seen that you know, in less than an hour.
Skinny twink #1: Well, New York is this big! (holds up little finger)
Skinny twink #2: And you're a whore.
–Gay Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Eugene
Little boy watching a man: What the fuck?
Mother, reading a newspaper: You better watch your mouth today, little boy!
Little boy: But mommy, he keeps banging his head on the pole!
Mother, watching the man: What the fuck?
–F Train
Overheard by: It looked painful.
Thugette #1: I don’t care if Jake is smaller than him — I ain’t lettin’ him in my ass.
Thugette #2: You can cum from it. [Cool British guy turns to look at them as he passes.]Thugette #1: What you looking at?
Cool British guy: Would you really like me to answer that?
Thugette #1, sheepishly: No.
–Times Square
