Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
Tourist kid to his brother: Shut up. There’s no such thing as a male anorexic. Right? And I’m not one of them.
–JetBlue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: frequent flier
Airport security guard #1: Hey, I gotta get me a mongoose.
Airport security guard #2: Yeah, man. Gotta keep them cobras off them planes.
–JFK
Budding exhibitionist #1: I have to pee.
Budding exhibitionist #2: Just pee in your pants; you’re on JetBlue.
–JFK tarmac
Teen girl: Wow! I just realized I haven’t been online all day!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Different Generation
Middle-aged woman: 50% of the population is allergic to wheat. They just don’t know it. It’s true– I read it on the internet.
–Port Authority
Guy: You should start a fight with her on MySpace.
–75th & Amsterdam
Guy: I’m pretty sure my cat has Down’s syndrome…You can read about it on my MySpace blog.
–Spice, Chelsea
Overheard by: DJR
Thug: MySpace is like crack, yo. I’m addicted to that shit.
–F train
Overheard by: Laurence Lau
Girl: Google is, like, totally taking over the world!
–Terminal 4, JFK
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl on cell: We need, like, a slutty web-designer friend we can bring in on this.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Buttons
Scruffy dude: I should just bring her a bunch of photos of my ex-girlfriend and slam them down and be like, “Find one, just one of these, that you’re hotter than.” I can’t believe she wouldn’t give me her e-mail address. She must be out of her mind. I mean, just give me a fake one. Like, something at hotmail.com. Anything!
–54th & 10th
Overheard by: Waiting for The Colbert Report
Guy wearing t-shirt that says “You are so off my buddy list”: So I am thinking about creating another website that’s Jedi-friendly.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Palmala Handerson
Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
–14th & University
Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
–Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
–13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
–Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
–Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!
–Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
–Century 21
Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!
–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
Girl on cell: I was like, “Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don’t ever talk to me again.” Such a bitch. And the thing is, she’s not even cute. Like, she has no right! She’s a fucking bitch, and she’s ugly! It’s one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you’re ugly? You just don’t do that.
–19th & Broadway
Aspiring fashionista: I don’t know what I’d do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I’d probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?
–SoHo
Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.
–JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you’re ugly, but healthy.
–Pediatrics office, Tribeca
Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, “Ew that is so ugly,” which was kinda bitchy, don’t you think? So I told her, “That’s because it would look like shit on you.”…Whatever. It’s true.
–NYSC, Whitestone
Overheard by: Karen
Gay flight attendant, frantically running down aisle: Excuse me! Coming through. Scusa, signore. Excuse me, I need to get the back of the plane. It’s an emergency! Excuse me!! [Runs past woman, stops, walks back.] Oh my God, your scarf is fabulous; did you buy it in Venice?
Woman’s husband: Did you say there was an emergency?
Gay flight attendant: Not as big as the one that’ll happen if I don’t get that scarf!
–flight into JFK
Latino: There’s a six hour minimum wait for a SUV.
Latina: What?
Latino: To get a SUV, it’s a six hour minimum wait.
Latina: What you mean, “a six hour minimum”?
Latino: If we want an SUV there is a six hour minimum wait!
Latina: So we can only rent it for six hours?
–JFK
Overheard by: Paul Ferris
Wife: Bill can’t fly because of the wheelchair. He can’t get out of it.
Husband: Surely there are planes with wheelchair access. We should ask for him.
Wife: Please, like he never asked himself? He just can’t fly, ever.
Husband: That’s not true. What do you think Teddy Roosevelt did when he wanted to go somewhere? He was in a wheelchair and he was the President so he had lots of places to go. Of course there had to be planes with wheelchair areas.
Wife: Oh, I never thought of him. You’re right. We should really tell Bill about that.
–JFK
