Kid: What’s that?
Grandma: That’s the belly button. It helps you breathe.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Kid: What’s that?
Grandma: That’s the belly button. It helps you breathe.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!
–189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
–Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.
–Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
–Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!
–Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
–Bed-Stuy
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.
–77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Joseph
Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.
–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St
Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!
–Times Square
Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.
–F train
Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.
–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Aaron
Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?
–Circle Line
Overheard by: emily
Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.
–Central Park
Little Asian boy: Guess what? I did it twice already this morning.
Mom: Did what?
Little Asian boy: Touch myself!
–Uptown M104 bus
Overheard by: Barry P.
Hobo: Please, anything. Anything will help. I need to feed my children.
Male passenger: I got some cookies.
Hobo: Yum! I love cookies.
–6 train, 23rd & Lex
Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO
Overheard by: Lady
Woman #1: Why don’t you get a child of your own?
Woman #2: Girl, I already gots a car.
–Century 21, Cortlandt St
Kid: Would you like to buy some lemonade or iced tea?
Lady: Sure, what are you planning to use the money for?
Kid: Last week we were collecting money for Israeli soldiers. This week we’re saving for a nice vacation.
–Apartment building entrance, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Julie
Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that’s just a brother for you.
Security guard looks uncomfortable.
Mother, quickly: I mean, that’s just a brother’s job, right?
–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave
Overheard by: vivienne
