Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO
Overheard by: Lady
Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO
Overheard by: Lady
Woman #1: Why don’t you get a child of your own?
Woman #2: Girl, I already gots a car.
–Century 21, Cortlandt St
Kid: Would you like to buy some lemonade or iced tea?
Lady: Sure, what are you planning to use the money for?
Kid: Last week we were collecting money for Israeli soldiers. This week we’re saving for a nice vacation.
–Apartment building entrance, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Julie
Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that’s just a brother for you.
Security guard looks uncomfortable.
Mother, quickly: I mean, that’s just a brother’s job, right?
–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave
Overheard by: vivienne
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where’s Susan Smith when you need her?
–Hudson & Jane
Overheard by: jose clunie
College girl: Mom, I can’t babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I’m sorry, I don’t like babies. I find we have very little in common.
–34th & Broadway
Lady: I don’t know if that woman ever found her baby’s head!
–King’s County civil court, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kate s
Mother to infant: I’m so glad you’re getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love you! You’re not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?
–Water St & Hanover Sq
Overheard by: zack
Guy surrounded by kids: You’re all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that’s what you are!
–151st & Broadway
Overheard by: Pants
Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don’t care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?
–J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Lady on cell: No, she don’t like anyone. She mean as shit…Nah…Nah…She don’t even like her own children.
–Port Authority
Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.
Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.
Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.
–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx
Mother: We need to find Sound of Music for your brother.
Child: No! I want to watch Star Wars.
Mother: You can watch this. It has Nazis!
–Kim’s Video, Morningside Heights
Headline by: J Laks
Runners-Up:
· “And Bambi’s About Guns” – dei
· “And Then We’ll Watch Rent. It has lawyers!” – Nick V.
· “But Cover Your Ears During “My Favorite Things”; I’m Not Ready to Expose You to That.” – manisha
· “Gene Siskel Declares: ‘It’s a Gas!'” – erak
· “Hayden Christensen’s Acting Caused Far More Deaths, Though” – s himself
· “Now Put on Your Swastika Armband; We’re Going to See Grandpa” – phil
· “See, Sweetie, Your Brother’s Not Gay; He Just Advocates White Supremacy.” – LC
· “The Promotional Tagline That Never Quite Made It…” – Julie Holt
Little girl: Daddy, how many stops are on this train?
Dad: Just one. It goes back and forth, back and forth all day.
Little girl: No it doesn’t.
Dad: Would I lie?
Little girl: Sometimes you do.
–S train
Little girl: Why is everyone sleeping on the subway?
Mom: They’re bored. Bored people sleep, read the paper, or listen to music. You see that guy over there, the one who’s sleeping and reading the paper? We call that multitasking.
–Manhattan bound N train
Overheard by: Multitasking on the N
