Man: Jesus, I need glasses.
Woman: How come?
Man: That sign, ‘Hot and Crusty.’ A couple of blocks ago it looked like ‘Hat and Cruelty.’ I know this is New York, but that just had to be wrong.
–89th & Broadway
Man: Jesus, I need glasses.
Woman: How come?
Man: That sign, ‘Hot and Crusty.’ A couple of blocks ago it looked like ‘Hat and Cruelty.’ I know this is New York, but that just had to be wrong.
–89th & Broadway
Mailman: I’m sorry sir, but I don’t know where this package is. It was undeliverable. It is not here.
Human man: I know. This is the third time I’ve been down here. So what do you want me to do?
Mailman: Sir?
Human man: What do you want me to do? Give up, keep coming back?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: What? Give up?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: You’re serious?
Mailman: Yes.
–Post office, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Fish
Man #1: That’s the second Korean movie that has ever made me cry.
Man #2: Oh, yeah. Lots of ’em do. I mean, if you see enough of them, a lot of them do.
–12th & University
Overheard by: James
Man holding dog in elevator: I said no kisses.
(dog goes to lick owner's face again)
Man holding dog: I said no!
(pause, then kisses dog)
Man holding dog: Okay, I kiss you.
–East Harlem
Woman: Have you ever been to Chelsea piers?
Man: No, I can’t say I have.
Woman: Oh. It’s wonderful. It has a great view of New Jersey.
Man: (sounding disgusted) Oh. (feigning interest) New Jersey, huh?
–Elevator, 25th & 8th
Woman: But you farted in the hole!
Man: My bad, my bad, my bad!
–Union Square
HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.
–E train
Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.
–Small diner, Chinatown
Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Gigi
Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.
–Rue 57, 57th & 6th
Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!
–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?
Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?
Small man: Looks like you got a full lunch there.
Large man: Nah, just a donut, coffee, and a sandwich.
Small man: Oh, maybe just half a lunch then. [Pause] You should eat better.
Large man: Oh, I should, huh?
–Broad St, Financial District
Yankee fan #1: What do you like better — hot dogs or hamburgers?
Yankee fan #2: I like ’em both, man.
Yankee fan #1: You can’t like ’em both! Hot dogs and hamburgers are mortal enemies, asshole. Everyone knows that!
–Yankee Stadium
Old man wearing suspenders #1: That's a great pair of suspenders.
Old man wearing suspenders #2: Thanks. I had a heckuva time getting them.
Library security guard: Sir, please lower your voice.
–New York Public Library, 34th & Madison
