Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?

–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th

Overheard by: Ladle

Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.

–Penn Station

Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nathan

20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.

–Washington Square

Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!

–Spring St & Crosby St

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Penn Station, Preppies, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, Thugs, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

No, No, No – You're Mistaking “Baby Daddy” For “Father”

Young man: I wanna be a be a baby daddy!
Young woman: I feel like that would be an expensive hobby…

–Magnolia Bakery, West Village

Headline by: Deadbeat Dad

Runners-Up:
· “…Why I Chose Gold-Digging” – Fresca
· “Actually, the Government Pays For It” – Vasyl
· “Ask Flava Flav” – Emily Leonard
· “I’ll Be Following K-Fed’s “How to Be a Baby Daddy When You’re Broke As Hell” Program” – Meg
· “It’s Only Expensive If You Give a Shit…” – Amber
· “No Way, There’s Going to Be a Stimulus Plan For That Too!” – Derek
· “OK, Lemme Try This Another Way: I Wanna Fuck You.” – Sim Etrias
· “Who Said Anything About Financial Support?” – Keith the Geek
· “Yachting Is an Expensive Hobby; Baby Daddying Can Be Done on the Cheap!” – Drew

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 9, 2009
Family Ties, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Money & Class, Parents, Store, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

It'll Break Your Heart and Steal Your Friends

Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!

–East River Promenade

Posted on March 2, 2009
Age/Aging, Crazies, Food, Man's Best Friend, Men, Upper East Side

Drinking Alcohol, Missing Curfew–It's a Nightmare.

Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!

–R Train

Overheard by: Chad L.

Posted on February 28, 2009
Health and Hygiene, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Kids Have the Intestinal Tracts Of Spotted Hyenas

Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!

–Costco, Brooklyn

Posted on February 27, 2009
Brooklyn, Family Ties, Food, Kids, Men, Poop, Women

And You Should Know, Ms. “I-Camped-Out-for-Bon-Jovi-Tickets”

Woman, sounding disgusted: Who falls asleep on the street?
Man, sounding tired of explaining things: A lot of people do.

–Spring St, SoHo

Overheard by: CK

Posted on February 27, 2009
Anger Management, Men, Questions, Soho, Women

Glad You Got to the Root Of the Problem

Man to friend: So at that time I was having a lot of um, problems with…um, stuff.
Friend: Uh-huh.
Man to friend: And then I figured it out! I was eating a lot of beets at the time! (beams and laughs)

–49th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lori_Lee

Posted on February 26, 2009
Food, Friends, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Learned to Drive Badly in Foreign Lands

20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: Robert

Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.

–Uptown D Train

Overheard by: Wes

30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?

–Lafayette & Spring

Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…

–Times Square

Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!

–Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: Marc

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Clothing, Conductors, Cops, Guys, Insults, Licking, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

FCC Finally Regulates Overheard

Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!

–6 Train

Headline by: Trey Jackson

Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 23, 2009
Black People, Comebacks, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

Men