Middle aged drunk woman: Excuse me sir, do you know what nasal douching is?
Random 20-something guy: Uh, I think it's when you stick your nose up in there and blow it out or something.
–Grand Central
Middle aged drunk woman: Excuse me sir, do you know what nasal douching is?
Random 20-something guy: Uh, I think it's when you stick your nose up in there and blow it out or something.
–Grand Central
Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?
–M&M World Store
Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!
–61st & 3rd
NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.
–NYU Elevator
Overheard by: queenofscots
Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.
–Office Building, 8th Ave
Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open
Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Amber Star
Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Ferna
Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!
–14th St Regal Cinemas
Overheard by: laughing despite herself
Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Shringle
Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?
–82nd & Columbus Ave
Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!
–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island
Overheard by: Samantha
Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.
–7 Train
Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!
–Jerome Ave, the Bronx
Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister E.
Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?
–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan
Older man: Oh, really?
Younger, athletic man: Yeah, yeah. It works. You know, you…your body type, you want to eat meat. You know, for every pound you weigh, you should eat a pound of meat a day.
Older man: You're an idiot.
–92nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: P. Marino
Man passing by window of chorus room: You can all suck my dick!
Chorus conductor, out window: Oh, you have one?
–Stuyvesant High School
Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.
–Union Square West & 16th St
Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: MPW
Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.
–Mulberry St
Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.
–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Chuckles
Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?
–6 Train
Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?
–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th
Overheard by: Ladle
Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.
–Penn Station
Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.
–Washington Square
Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!
–Spring St & Crosby St
Young man: I wanna be a be a baby daddy!
Young woman: I feel like that would be an expensive hobby…
–Magnolia Bakery, West Village
Headline by: Deadbeat Dad
Runners-Up:
· “…Why I Chose Gold-Digging” – Fresca
· “Actually, the Government Pays For It” – Vasyl
· “Ask Flava Flav” – Emily Leonard
· “I’ll Be Following K-Fed’s “How to Be a Baby Daddy When You’re Broke As Hell” Program” – Meg
· “It’s Only Expensive If You Give a Shit…” – Amber
· “No Way, There’s Going to Be a Stimulus Plan For That Too!” – Derek
· “OK, Lemme Try This Another Way: I Wanna Fuck You.” – Sim Etrias
· “Who Said Anything About Financial Support?” – Keith the Geek
· “Yachting Is an Expensive Hobby; Baby Daddying Can Be Done on the Cheap!” – Drew
Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!
–East River Promenade
