Older man: Oh, really?
Younger, athletic man: Yeah, yeah. It works. You know, you…your body type, you want to eat meat. You know, for every pound you weigh, you should eat a pound of meat a day.
Older man: You're an idiot.
–92nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: P. Marino
Man passing by window of chorus room: You can all suck my dick!
Chorus conductor, out window: Oh, you have one?
–Stuyvesant High School
Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.
–Union Square West & 16th St
Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: MPW
Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.
–Mulberry St
Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.
–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Chuckles
Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?
–6 Train
Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?
–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th
Overheard by: Ladle
Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.
–Penn Station
Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.
–Washington Square
Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!
–Spring St & Crosby St
Young man: I wanna be a be a baby daddy!
Young woman: I feel like that would be an expensive hobby…
–Magnolia Bakery, West Village
Headline by: Deadbeat Dad
Runners-Up:
· “…Why I Chose Gold-Digging” – Fresca
· “Actually, the Government Pays For It” – Vasyl
· “Ask Flava Flav” – Emily Leonard
· “I’ll Be Following K-Fed’s “How to Be a Baby Daddy When You’re Broke As Hell” Program” – Meg
· “It’s Only Expensive If You Give a Shit…” – Amber
· “No Way, There’s Going to Be a Stimulus Plan For That Too!” – Derek
· “OK, Lemme Try This Another Way: I Wanna Fuck You.” – Sim Etrias
· “Who Said Anything About Financial Support?” – Keith the Geek
· “Yachting Is an Expensive Hobby; Baby Daddying Can Be Done on the Cheap!” – Drew
Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!
–East River Promenade
Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!
–R Train
Overheard by: Chad L.
Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!
–Costco, Brooklyn
Woman, sounding disgusted: Who falls asleep on the street?
Man, sounding tired of explaining things: A lot of people do.
–Spring St, SoHo
Overheard by: CK
Man to friend: So at that time I was having a lot of um, problems with…um, stuff.
Friend: Uh-huh.
Man to friend: And then I figured it out! I was eating a lot of beets at the time! (beams and laughs)
–49th & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lori_Lee
