Looking for a Date, Wednesday One-Liners?

White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.

–47th & Lexington

30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"

–Bleecker St & 6th Ave

Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!

–Phone Booth, Coney Island

Overheard by: not going there

Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.

–Park Ave

Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.

–12th St & Ave A

Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!

–7th Ave & LeRoy St

Posted on October 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Ethnic Food, Families, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Names, Old People, On Cell, Politics, Prostitution, Questions, The Village, Thievery, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners– What the Fudge?

Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?

–Pratt Institute

Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!

–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny

Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"

–112 & Broadway

Overheard by: Nathan

Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stacy

Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!

–Bryant Park

Posted on October 22, 2008
Astoria, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, College, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Jesus, Moms, On Cell, Parks, Questions, Show business, Sisters, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Who Gets Medical Testing on Vacation?

Four-year-old boy: What's taking so long?
Mom: Well, you know how today you have a vacation from school? Well, a lot of other people have a vacation from work.
(very long pause)
Four-year-old boy: That's crap.

–Waiting Room, LabCorp in Bayside

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on October 21, 2008
Kids, Moms, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

Parenthood, in a Nutshell

Small boy: I want to go downtown!
Patient mother: We are going downtown.
Small boy: I want to go uptown!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on October 20, 2008
Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Wishes & desires

I'd Totally Punch Him If My Triceps Weren't Sore from All the Gold-Digging

Mom with stroller: It's not the strippers I'm mad about, it's the 1,200 dollars.
Friend: Totally.
Mom with stroller: He could have bought me the diamond earrings I've been wanting with that.
Friend: Oh, the little diamond studs you keep talking about? I love those.

–7th Ave & Bleecker

Overheard by: John E

Posted on October 20, 2008
Default, Fashion, Friends, Moms, Money & Class, West Village, Wishes & desires

If Anyone Was Covert About Killing, It Was the Nazis

(a child sees a man walking in clothes with skulls and bones on them)
Child: Mommy! Can I have clothes like his?
Mom: No, sweetie. Those clothes belong to an underground gang that kill people, just like in the days of Hitler and George Bush.

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Gus

Posted on October 16, 2008
Clothing, Default, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Moms, Murder, Politics, Questions, The Bronx

Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies, The Met, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

And Stop Bringing Refugees Home With You–They Don't Get Along With the Cats

Louis Vuitton-carrying mother: Now I'm going to a halal meat market in Brooklyn next week!
Louis Vuitton-carrying daughter: I want to go to a halal market! Ever since I wrote my thesis I just love refugees!
Mother: Halal markets are for Muslims, not refugees!
Daughter: Well, close enough.

–75th & Lexington

Posted on October 14, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Ethnic Food, Girls, Insults, Islam, Moms, Upper East Side

If You've Seen Three, You Want to Prevent It

(baby is crying)
Mother: You better stop crying when I count to three. One… Two…
(baby stops crying, but starts again after a while)
Mother: I said “two!”
(baby stops crying again)

–BX9 Bus

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on October 14, 2008
Babies, Default, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Parents, The Bronx, Threats, Words

When You Were Born He Wanted You to Be Left on a Hillside

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, do we want the Mets to win or the Yankees?
(mom ignores comment)
Boy: I think I want them both to win!
Mom: I don't think your father's going to be very happy about this.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on October 12, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Mets, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Wishes & desires, Yankees

Moms