Hobo, picking up a nervous patron's martini glass: Dang, this looks good–do you mind…?
Woman: No, it's all yours, you can have it. I don't want it anymore.
Hobo, sipping, then violently spitting vodka to the ground: Lord! This taste like shit! White folks ain't got no taste for alcohol.
Woman: That's a Belvedere martini.
Hobo: Yeah, that supposed to be good?
–30th & 3rd
Overheard by: Anniemal
Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St
Overheard by: MK
Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.
–1st & Ave B
Overheard by: Mollena
Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.
–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave
B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas
Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.
–West Building, Hunter College
Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Mike
Metrosexual guy: If I was some fish…
Girl, not looking up from her bus schedule: Grammar just cried.
Metrosexual guy: I don’t follow you.
Girl: Good, because if you did, I would have to have you arrested.
Metrosexual guy: I am so confused.
Girl: Do the words ‘you are an idiot’ confuse you?
Metrosexual guy: I hate you.
–28th & 5th
Waiter: Would you like to order now?
Man: No, I’m waiting for my sister.
Waiter: You said before that you were waiting for your wife.
Man: No, I didn’t. I said it was my sister.
Waiter: No, you didn’t.
Man: Would you like to be in movies?
Waiter: No, why?
Man: You have a really nice speaking voice. You should think about it.
Waiter: You really think so?
Man: Yeah. I make movies. You should give it a try.
–Lyric Diner, 22nd & 3rd
Asian girl: I dunno, I think we should meet up with her.
Tall girl: …yeah, but they have that open bar shit.
–34th & 6th
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!
–M14 bus
Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!
–14th between 5th & University
Overheard by: theNJl
Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.
–Starbucks, 27th & Park
Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
Little boy: It's a monkey!
Mom: It's bush.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Bimbette art student #1, pointing at fresh grapes: I don’t get why they call ‘olive-skinned’ people ‘olive-skinned’. No one’s skin is that color!
Bimbette art student #2, after closer inspection of fresh grapes: Yeah, but those olives look messed up, I think they’re fake. Real olives are, like, darker or something.
Bimbette art student #1: Yeah, those olives are too light, that’s it. No one’s skin is that color of… of light green.
Cashier: Uhm, are you ladies in line? Can I get you some… Grapes?
Bimbette art student #3: Yeah, those olives are totally fake, that must be it.
[Group leaves deli.]Cashier: Did that really just happen?
–27th & 5th
Chick: Okay, so let me get this straight — you left a top secret threesome at 4:30 in the morning, only to take home a guy you then met on the subway platform who you kicked out of your bed two hours later because your girlfriend was coming home in half an hour?
Guy: Uh, yeah, that’s about right.
Chick: Sweet dancing Moses.
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: still trying to figure out the logistics…
