Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

From the All-Hobo Rendition Of the Star Wars Trilogy

Hobo #1: Stop it!
Hobo #2 (pulling away stops and yelling): Is this how you treat your autistic son?
Hobo #1 (shocked): You're not my son!

–34th St & Park Ave

Posted on May 3, 2015
Family Ties, Handicaps, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

The Wednesday One-liners K-Hole

Woman: Hey, so have you ever tried crack?

–78th & Madison

Overheard by: Andrew C

Posted on May 3, 2015
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drugs, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, People, Suits, Teens, The Village, Upper East Side

What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

Posted on April 26, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Compliments, Creepsters, Fat People, Flyer people, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Strangers, Subway conductors, Weirdness, West Village, White People

Men’s Intuition, I Suppose

Teenage boy: I just realized I have not gotten laid, thus far in life.
Girl: When’d you come up with that?

–E 18th St & Ave J

Posted on April 16, 2015
Boys, Default, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Virginity

If He Stabbed Her That Would Be the Perfect Punchline

Black girl: Did you put butter on that bagel?…That’s too damn fast to be any good. Hey, hey, don’t use that knife, it has egg on it and I do not eat eggs!
Deli guy: This is not eggs. This is cheese.
Black girl: And so what is your point?

–LA cafe, 23rd & 5th

Posted on April 10, 2015
Assholes, Customers, Food, Murray Hill and Gramercy

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Cops, Directions, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Are You Even Allowed to Be a Chooser?

Hobo, picking up a nervous patron's martini glass: Dang, this looks good–do you mind…?
Woman: No, it's all yours, you can have it. I don't want it anymore.
Hobo, sipping, then violently spitting vodka to the ground: Lord! This taste like shit! White folks ain't got no taste for alcohol.
Woman: That's a Belvedere martini.
Hobo: Yeah, that supposed to be good?

–30th & 3rd

Overheard by: Anniemal

Posted on April 1, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships

Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St

Overheard by: MK

Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Overheard by: Mollena

Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.

–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave

B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas

Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.

–West Building, Hunter College

Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on March 29, 2015
Anger Management, B & T, Central Park, College, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hunter, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, People, Places, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

How Copy Editors Blow Off Steam

Metrosexual guy: If I was some fish…
Girl, not looking up from her bus schedule: Grammar just cried.
Metrosexual guy: I don’t follow you.
Girl: Good, because if you did, I would have to have you arrested.
Metrosexual guy: I am so confused.
Girl: Do the words ‘you are an idiot’ confuse you?
Metrosexual guy: I hate you.

–28th & 5th

Posted on March 27, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Metrosexuals, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Street, Stupidity, Violence, Words

Murray Hill and Gramercy