Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: las
Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: las
Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink!
–New World Stages
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!
–2 train
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
–6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
–Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
–Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
Bible-thumping lady: Get your Bible! We only have approximately five years left!
Passerby: Five years! Fuck! I gotta get movin’!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
Woman, falling against man as train stops suddenly: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Man: Hey, no problem. [Gestures at girlfriend] Get a little closer — she isn’t jealous. She don’t mind.
–1 train
Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!
–52nd & Lexington
Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!
–Penn Station
Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.
–Midtown East
Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too
Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."
–West Village
Overheard by: Bible Fan
Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kelly
