Younger man: Maybe I’ll marry your sister. Then I’ll kill myself.
Older man: I’m waiting to give my sister to an enemy.
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Younger man: Maybe I’ll marry your sister. Then I’ll kill myself.
Older man: I’m waiting to give my sister to an enemy.
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train.
Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care.
The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog.
Woman: That was weird.
–V Train
20-something girl (following older man and sniffing him): Mmmmmmm.
Older man (letting her pass): Excuse me?
Girl: Sorry about that. You smell like my boyfriend. And he dumped me two days ago. (eyes well up)
Older man: Well, you're making me nervous. Keep on walking, honey.
–4 Train
Overheard by: alex
Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front.
–St. Patrick’s Cathedral
Overheard by: Bryant
Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me.
–E. 33rd Street office
Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me!
–42nd between 10th & 11th
Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn.
–CVS, Harlem
Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to.
–4 train
Overheard by: Matt F.
Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.
–7th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Miss C
Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Antartic
Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.
–MoMA
Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin
12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.
–MoMA
Old man: So where are you from?
Barber: Russia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia.
Barber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Russia are you from?
Barber: Uzbekistan.
Old man: Oh! So you're from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia.
Barber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you didn't grow up on a farm?
Barber: No.
Old man: You didn't have livestock?
Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm.
Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.
–E 9th & Ave A
Conductor: When exiting, please watch the gap between the train and the station platform.
Older woman: Why don’t they just fix the gap? Then they wouldn’t have to bother saying that.
–LIRR
Overheard by: glad I don’t live in LI
Old Park Ave husband: Now this is what the weather is supposed to be.
Old Park Ave wife: Yes. Not too hot, not below zero.
Old Park Ave husband: One of many reasons why Florida is a shit show.
–Park Ave & 61st St
Overheard by: JayHammy
Older Jewish woman: And where are you from?
30-something woman: Arkansas.
Older Jewish woman: And are you Jewish?
30-something woman: No.
Older Jewish woman: You just confirmed my stereotype.
30-something woman: And you just confirmed mine.
–Temple Shaaray Tefila
Two elderly women walk past a stand selling roasted cinnamon nuts and say: Ohhh boy, those nuts smell good…
–East Village
