Let's Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiiiiner!

Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.

–113th St

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Turning away now.

Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: Easy Does It

Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?

–Port Authority

Posted on July 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Customers, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Not New York, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Punch, Store, Threats, Time, Upper East Side, Violence, Women

Emperor Norton II

Hobo: Look at this, does this look fake?
Guy: What did you do, print it?
Hobo: Yeah! You think it looks fake?
Guy: Yes.
Hobo: Well it ain’t!

–R train

Overheard by: SkunkEye

Posted on July 24, 2015
Hobos, On the Subway, Stupidity

But When I Wrote It Up, My Philosophy Professor Gave Me an “F”!

Guy #1: So I basically came up with a question that doesn't have an answer. Would you do Jessica Simpson, I mean really Jessica Simpson, but the catch is she is the size of Shaquille O'Neal? Like 300 pounds and 7 feet tall but still really truly Jessica Simpson.
Guy #2: You're right, I don't have an answer.
Guy #1: Yeah, neither did Kevin when I asked him last night. What a mind blow…

–6 Train

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on July 24, 2015
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Sexuality

And This Is Why You Weren’t Invited to Our Wedding

Chick: Oh, God! You remember Anna from high school?
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You know, the fuckin’ ugly one?
Guy: Yeah, she’s really nice.
Chick: I don’t fucking care — she is so fucking ugly! And I heard she’s married now.
Guy: Yeah? Really?
Chick: Who the fuck would fuck her?
Guy: … I did.

–F train

Posted on July 24, 2015
Biotechs, Insults, On the Subway

They Seem to Be More of Gauguin Women

Girl #1: Girl look, I got the same picture on my wall calendar as I do on this day planner. Muthafuckin’ Grainstacks in Sunlight!
Girl #2: Morning Effect?
Girl #1: Yeah, I like dat impressionist shit.
Girl #2: Me too. Dat shit is pretty.

–1 train

Overheard by: diva646

Posted on July 23, 2015
Arts & Letters, Ghetto Chicks, On the Subway

…to Satan.

Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too.

–4 Train

Posted on July 23, 2015
Asians, Black People, Crazies, Jesus, Marriage, On the Subway

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.

–Upper West Side

Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Alisha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.

–Q Train

Overheard by: spygirl

Posted on July 22, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Booty Call, Christianity, Church, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Couples, Directions, Drag queens, Girls, Library, Men, Murder, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Rape, Religion, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And It Looks Remarkably Like Century 21

Conductor: World Trade Center-bound E train. Next stop — Seventh Avenue.
Teen #1: We have to get off.
Teen #2: Huh… They built the World Trade Center again! Whoa.

–E train

Posted on July 22, 2015
Conductors, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

You Guys Asked Me to Be the Designated Hater

Drunk girl #1: She doesn’t care about AIDS?
Drunk girl #2: No, no, she said ‘Asians.’ She said she doesn’t care about Asians.
Sober friend: I said I didn’t care about age.
Drunk girl #2: Why are you hatin’ on Asians with AIDS?

–L train

Posted on July 22, 2015
Drunks, On the Subway, Stupidity

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby.

–Uptown A Train

Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no.

–East Village

Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding!

–N Train

Overheard by: wasn't even invited

Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring!

–40th & Madison Ave

Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing.

–9th & 15th

Overheard by: Courtney

Posted on July 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Beauty, Central Park, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Height, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

On the Subway

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners