Clerk #1: I’ve always wanted to start my own magazine.
Clerk #2: Yeah, but there are so many magazines out!
Clerk #3: I’ve always wanted to start my own T-shirt company.
–American Apparel, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by:
Clerk #1: I’ve always wanted to start my own magazine.
Clerk #2: Yeah, but there are so many magazines out!
Clerk #3: I’ve always wanted to start my own T-shirt company.
–American Apparel, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by:
Coworker #1: So what’ve you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you’re on speakerphone.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Madeline
Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.
–82nd & Columbus
Woman #1: Yo! Hurry up in there!
Woman #2: Don’t you be tellin’ me to rush! I got my woman needs, too! I had to change my pads! Betcha didn’t wanna hear that, huh, didya? Didya?
Woman #3: No. We didn’t.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Alanna
Father: Look at that sign. What do you think mela means?
Son: I don’t know.
Father: Look at the picture.
Son: Oh, apple! So it’s, like, an Applebee’s?
–Little Italy
Man: You finally made it.
Woman: Yeah… by the time I wake up, get ready, drive to the train station, take the train, then take the subway to get here all for a ten-minute interview… it’s, like, a total rim job.
Man: Ummm… at least you made it.
–50th & 7th
Guy: Yeah, sometimes I like to suck on my fingers.
Girl: OK.
–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer
Female tourist: I don’t get it. This isn’t a square, it’s like… triangular.
Male tourist: No, no, they just call it that because… well… it’s like… a square… a square of people. I don’t know, it has something to do with algebra.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Luke
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Boyfriend: Y’know, you can tell she was really pretty… What?
–Bodies exhibit, Fulton St
Overheard by: also stared
