Juvenile Wednesday One-Liners

Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!

–125th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.

Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: student

Little girl: Big Brother is watching!

–Franklin St & Church St

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?

–Corsa Ave, the Bronx

Overheard by: Edward Carney

Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!

–116th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?

–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush

Overheard by: Cupcake

Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!

–6th Ave & 17th St

Posted on November 8, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Beauty, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Elevators, Fashion, Favorites, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Manhattan, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, The Bronx, Topics, Vagina, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Funny how ‘Bitch’ Is Worse than Mother Sex

Hobo: Fuck you, you shits, you fucking assholes. I’m going to fucking kill you! Fuck you! Fuck you bitches! Fuck you and your mothers!
Queer #1: Oh no. No you did not just call me a bitch. You crazy homeless fuck.
Queer # 2: Mhm, get sassy on this bitch. Bitch deserves to be homeless. He should just shut his mouth and keep it movin’.

–Sheridan Square

Posted on November 7, 2006
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Names, Parents, People, Places, Queers, Sex, The Village, Topics, Violence

What Happens When You Let Jesuits Educate Your Kids

Tween girl: Mom you’re not a tease if you give it up, you’re a slut. Jesse’s a slut, I’m a tease.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: S-dawg

Posted on October 16, 2006
Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, People, Places, Promiscuity, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Tweens

…And Jimmy’s a Girl

Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.

–Greenpoint

Posted on October 16, 2006
Gays and Lesbians, Hook Ups, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, People, Places, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Williamsburg

Christian Science By Proxy

Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?

–Northbound N

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Posted on October 14, 2006
Christianity, God, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Medicine, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Religion, Topics

This Was at the Heart of the Dispute Between Edison and Tesla

Queer #1: Ann and Leslie are here.
Queer #2: Shit, are they lesbians?
Queer #1: Yeah.
Queer #2: Uh, I’m a D.C. gay. I don’t hang out with lesbians.

–3rd & B

Posted on October 7, 2006
Alphabet City, Gays and Lesbians, History & Geography, Lesbians, Manhattan, People, Places, Queer guys, Queers, Topics, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

Illegal in Most Countries

Young boy, singing: I love you! You love me! We’re as happy as two can be!
Mother: I’ll show you how much I fucking love you!

–D train, Fordham Rd

Overheard by: horrified

Posted on October 5, 2006
Incest, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Sex, Topics

Wednesday One-Liners Ride the Train (Whoo-Whoo!) and Ride It

Conductor: Last stop, Grand Central Terminal. Remember, don’t drink and drive, but if you are going to take the train, drink ’til you go blind. Have a nice evening.

–Metro North, Grand Central

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Next stop, uh… Franklin… naw, that’s not it. Well, let’s go.

–Brooklyn bound R train

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Conductor, to woman standing halfway in the motorman’s booth flirting with him: Wanna drive?

–7 train

Overheard by: Margarita

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is not roll call. This is not Mickey Mouse roll call. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 train, Wall St

Overheard by: Pandora

Conductor: Please step in and watch the closing doors… Sir. Move your stuff out of the doors so I can close them! Motherfucker gonna make me late… gonna make us all late!

–Queens bound R train

Overheard by: Jay Kay

Conductor: We are now approaching 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. If you’re not getting off here, you should. Go see the second half of the Boston Massacre. Have a good day.

–Uptown 4 train

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Conductor: There is no V train service on the weekends. Get on this train. I repeat, there is no V train service on the weekends. What are you waiting for? Just get on my train!

–Downtown E train

Overheard by: tyler ann

Posted on October 4, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, On the Subway, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Sports, Subway conductors, The Bronx, Time, Topics, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, TV, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Good Samaritan Laws Have Yet to be Enacted in the Subway

Man, boarding downtown E: This is the downtown E?
Woman: Yes.
Man: You sure?
Woman: I’m positive.
Man: Aight, ’cause if those numbers start gettin’ bigger, yo head gonna get bigger, bitch.

–E train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Ivan

Posted on October 3, 2006
Body Parts, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Manhattan, Men, On the Subway, People, Places, Threats, Topics, Travel, Violence, Women

People