Race

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Ooo, or a Black Gay Woman Lesbian.

Guy: I was reading about how, this week in history, women obtained the right to vote and the “I have a dream” speech was delivered. I was thinking that a black lesbian would have to be the most disadvantaged in history.
Friend: Yeah…or even a black, woman lesbian!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Thomas

Is That, Like, a Penis Thing?

Black chick reading newspaper: Niggaz always be tryin' to govern from the center, son.
Boyfriend: Yo babe, but you knew Barack was always about incremental policy amelioration.

–B Train

Overheard by: Mark

They Normally Say, “Little Black Babies Are So Cute!”

Woman #1 to a child swinging his legs and wriggling: Stop that fidgeting!
Woman #2: See that? You even be irritating white women!

–B train, 96th St

Overheard by: Also Irritated

And All Of Their Menus Were Written in Code

Southern housewife #1, waiting for flight: Chinatown was scary–there was nooooobody that looked like us.
Southern housewives #2-#7: (all gasp)
Southern housewife #1: Noooooobody that looked like us!

–LaGuardia Airport

And It Was Originally Giving the Finger

Black guy #1: You know that statue, right? You know, the British… The British gaved the Statue of Liberty to New York. The British gaved the statue to America. To commemorate the Civil War. But they don’t tell you that. They don’t talk about that.
Black guy #2: Yep.
Black guy #1: And you know it was black, when the statue got here. It was black. And it had chains ’round it.
Black guy #2: Yep.

–F train, York St

See, He's Got the Cane, But No Cheetah Hat

(elderly gentleman in a brown suit with matching fedora walks by)
Ghetto #14 year-old-girl (screaming): Oh my god! It's a pimp! He's a fucking pimp!
Ghetto #14 year-old boy: Nah, he ain't a pimp. He can't be–he's like 90…and he's white.

–Under Broadway Stop, Astoria

Overheard by: well, it aint easy

Mexicans by Osmosis Are One of the Most Pressing Immigration Issues

Big black dude #1: You want to leave all the white women to me? That’s fine.
Big black dude #2: Oh, [laughs], I don’t have a problem getting white women. I’m half Indian and half Puerto Rican. I got that Boricua thing going.
Big black dude #1: Oh, shit. Well, I got Mexican in my family…
Smaller black dude: You part Mexican? Where were you born?
Big black dude #1: Well, I was born in Haiti, but I grew up in the Bronx, and my uncle recently married a Mexican.

–Changing room, Church St Boxing gym, Church & Park

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Yes, the General is Clearly a Wigger

Construction worker #1: Yeah, brotha. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. That’s what you call a “White nigga”.
Construction worker #2: You said it. Colin Powell ain’t nothin’ but George Bush’s bitch.

–Hudson & Canal

Overheard by: Auhsoj Semaj

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