Infernal Wednesday One‐Liners

Protestant street preacher with mic: You’re going down the Broadway to Hell.

–42^nd & 8^th

Subway preacher: When you buy a tree and put that in your house, and when you put all the presents under the tree, that’s all for Satan, not for Jesus. One day I was thinking about how the name Santa looks familiar, and I’m thinking to myself, Goddammit… No, wait, sorry. I’m thinking to myself, Santa… No, that’s Satan. You see? They kept the S but they just changed all the rest of the letters around.

–Brooklyn‐bound C train

Overheard by: P. Mills

Suit on cell: The only thing is, she’s so innocent. I need someone to curse at me and spit in my face. I need some rough, yelling‐at‐each‐other sex. I’m like Satan and she’s the Virgin Mary.

–Metro‐North train, Grand Central

Hardhat: I don’t know if I’m going to heaven; I don’t know if I’m going to hell… All I know is I have to change at Jamaica.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob

Yuppie woman talking to herself: The devil is a liar — a fucking liar!

–Outside Lincoln Plaza Theatre

Overheard by: SLC kid

Teacher: I’m going to burn in Hell for this… Wait! I’m Jewish! I don’t believe in Hell! I’m not going to burn! Yay!

–Hunter College High

Posted on December 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, God, Holidays, Jesus, Judaism, Kink, NYC Geography, Satan, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Only If Worshipping Something You Don’t Believe in Makes You Catholic

Guy: So, you don’t worship Satan?
Girl: I don’t believe in Satan.
Guy: So, you’re an atheist?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Starisla

Posted on December 1, 2014
Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Satan, Stupidity

Hella Good Wednesday One‐Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won’t be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I’m pregnant and he won’t marry me.

–23^rd & 5^th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93^rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You’re going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don’t wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

First Person to Say Something Coherent Loses

Man: All I’m saying is that if Jesus was beautiful on the inside, he was beautiful on the outside, so I know he had ladies looking at him.
Bimbette #1: Well, I know everything began in Africa.
Bimbette #2: That’s right. You know they have the indentation in Africa where the devil landed? They built a church over it to try to make it holy. I saw it on The Exorcist.

–4 train

Posted on October 11, 2014
Bimbettes, Idiots, Jesus, On the Subway, Satan

Those Satanic Greeks

A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant.

Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan!

–Astoria

Posted on July 27, 2014
Astoria, Food, Punks, Satan

Wednesday One‐Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don’t want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don’t understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43^rd

20‐something woman to 20‐something guy, in April: It wouldn’t be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli’s Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you’re talking to? That’s it, Christmas is over for you!

–135^th St & 5^th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal‐looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as “Satan.” Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24^th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don’t care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Satan, Store, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Time, Travel, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Thought the W Train Didn’t Go to Brooklyn?

MTA announcement, as train stops: We’re being held momentarily by the train’s dispatcher. Please be patient.
Tourist: What’d he say?! We’re going to hell? Temporarily?

–W Train

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on March 15, 2010
Language Barrier, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Satan, Tourists, Words

Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One‐Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay‑Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he’s like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven‐year‐old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won’t get me?

–34^th & 28^th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesdays Have “The Last Supper” on Their One‐Liners

Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!

–Starbucks

Being a full‐time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can’t work, like, what do you do?

–Brooklyn

Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He’s got a big tattoo on his arm that says, “Kill ’em all, let god sort ’em out.” Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he’ll be eating a sandwich.

–Park Slope Barber Shop

Overheard by: ian daywalker

Chatty young woman to bored‐looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.

–D Train

Man with tattoo that reads “don’t go to hell” to friend: There’s a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We’d go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we’d have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.

–Chipotle

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on August 26, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Barbershop, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Food, Friends, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Men, Murder, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Satan, Shoes, Starbucks, Tattoos, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Are You Ready to Accept Wednesday As Your Personal One‐Liner?

Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It’s not the sun. It’s hell!

–Times Square

Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.

–Downtown A Train

Street bible pusher: Don’t wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!

–6^th Ave & 32^nd St

Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: LiD

Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There’s nothing good about you!

–8^th Ave below 23^rd St

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Comebacks, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Fashion, God Squad, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Questions, Religion, Satan, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness