It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Lane

Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.

–East Drive, Prospect Park

Overheard by: White smelly jogger

Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that.

–Christopher St

Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread…

–W 110th & Columbus

Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black!

–E Broadway 99 Cent Store

Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!

–125th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: Ruby

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lower East Side, Men, One-liners, Parks, President, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Quick, Watson– the Game's Afoot!

Guy #1: …smells like sausage.
Guy #2: (begins sniffing) Unusually large sausage…

–Corner of 9th & 31st

Overheard by: Saz

Posted on June 2, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Sensory Experiences

And They Always Get Drunk and Abrasive When We Go Clubbing

Greenpeace guy: Hey! Do you care about the environment?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: How about polar bears?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: Well, why not?
Angry student: They're not tasty.

–Outside Columbia University

Posted on May 27, 2015
Activists, Animals & Nature, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Posted on May 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Masturbation, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Singing, Street, The Village, TV, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

…Numbass

Woman #1 (searching for seat in crowded theater): Is this seat taken?
Woman #2: Oh, no sweetie, this one will make your butt cramp up. I keep tryin to sit in it but my leg keeps goin numb! It's such a bad butt cramp seat.
Woman #1: I'll take your word for it.

–Lowes Cinema, 3rd & 11th

Posted on May 18, 2015
Advice, Ass, Body Parts, Default, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Women

No Way You’re Getting All Ten McNuggets in There

[In the next stall.]Chick #1: I can’t get it in it! It hurts!
Chick #2: Lift up your leg and try again!
Chick #1: Dude! It’s not gonna fit! It hurts too much!
Chick #2: Here, let’s try the third one.

–McDonald’s Restroom

Overheard by: Slowly walking out the door

Posted on May 15, 2015
Default, Girls, Gripes, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Stall Spies, Weirdness

…As I Used to Do, in My Youth.

Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.

–DUMBO