Customer to employee: Excuse me, are these zucchini?
Employee: No, they're pickles.
Customer: Are you sure? They look like zucchini!
Employee: Yes, they're pickles.
Customer: Oh. (pause) Do they taste like zucchini?
Employee, after long pause: Yes. Yeah…pickles tastes like zucchini.
–Balducci's Restaurant
Older woman #1: How much do you sweat?
Older woman #2: I can smell myself!
–Great Lawn
Overheard by: Riding a Bike on this Path
Ghetto lady, about young, drunk yuppie throwing his guts up: Daaaamn, that shit's spicy.
Ghetto man to yuppie's girlfriend: You gonna tongue-kiss that nigga now?
–D Train
Overheard by: i bet it was thai
20-something female on cell: But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Customer, after placing order: …with hardboiled eggs.
Gay waiter: Hardboiled eggs smell like dirty assholes, an I've seen a few dirty assholes.
–Denny's
Overheard by: student-19
Preppy guy on cell: No, dude! I don't know, like…like really dirty girls.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Anne
12-year-old boy to mother: The bum, you know! The dirty man that plays with me.
–Forest Parkway
Overheard by: Jason A
Guy dancing on new lawn: This isn't even good grass! It's dirty, yo!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Drunk woman: You smell like shit!
Sober 20-something: I took a shower after I went to the gym.
Drunk woman: Did you shower in shit?
Sober 20-something: No.
Drunk woman: Oh.
(pause)
Drunk woman: Are you sure?
–Lafayette & Houston
Overheard by: Luke
Girl #1: Did that cab smell like something to you?
Girl #2: Yeah, it smelled like burgers.
Girl #1: I was going to say smelled like the refugees.
Girl #2: What the fuck?
–44th & 9th
Overheard by: penny
Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.
–The Place, West Village
Overheard by: Colleen
Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!
–College of Mount Saint Vincent
Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Katie
Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.
–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU
Construction worker #1, watching hot girl: She cuuuute!
Construction worker #2: Yeah, I would just wanna smell her.
–Bowery & 3rd
Overheard by: Kyle
Guy #1: I swear, dude–she smelled like fish!
Guy #2: Don't you work in a fish store?
Guy #1: Fuck you!
–Lexington & 45th
Overheard by: Allkohn
Headline by: My Little Nemo’s excited
Runners-Up:
· “Be Thankful You Don’t Work With Portable Toilets” – Gunther
· “For the Last Time, It’s Called “The Playboy Mansion”” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Bet She Had Crabs Too” – Lee
· “Ishmael on Women” – Lena
· “When You Said He Was Sleeping With the Fishes, We Didn’t Assume …” – Laura
· “You Know I Only Kiss Them and Throw Them Back” – wirrrn
Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.
–Elevator, Midtown
Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated
Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn
Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!
–Church Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sonny
Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.
–Broadway & 9th St
Overheard by: Jessica
Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.
–60th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: haysoos
Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!
–Central Park
Overheard by: queenofscots
