Tween girl with huge wall of hair: I look like Hagrid.
Older sister: You look like the lovechild of Hagrid and Hermione. (pause) Actually, Hagrid is too big for that to happen.
Tween girl: You mean his body size? His butt?
Older sister: (laughing)
Tween girl: Ew! (pause) On a Sunday?
–Central Park
Husband: Then I can teabag you.
Wife: Wait. They go in my mouth. Wouldn't I be teabagging you?
Husband: My teabags, my act of teabagging.
Wife: That doesn't sound right.
Husband: Whatever. Teabagging will occur.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Throwing away my cup of tea
Professor, discussing Song of Songs: We can't get around the fact that he's basically saying, “you're my horse.”
Student: And I'm gonna ride you.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
Girl #1: Are you going away for spring break?
Girl #2: No. I wish I could.
Guy: I'm not. I'm auditioning for that reality show.
Girl #1: Oh, good luck.
Guy: But I'd better get it…I've been sleeping with all of them.
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: KMW
Foreign guy: Yeah, I had this sixteen-year-old who was drunk on vodka.
Friend: Yeah?
Foreign guy: I didn't sleep with her, though. I don't do that. I slept with her in the morning. Yeah, it's all about the penetration.
–St. Mark's Place
Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!
–Prince St. & W Broadway
Overheard by: Johnny
Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!
–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn
Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well
Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.
–Penn Station
Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!
–Lorimer & Maujer
Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?
Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.
–N Train
Overheard by: Mefisto
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ross
Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.
–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square
Overheard by: Holly
Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.
–62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Richard
Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"
–NYU Dining Hall
Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!
–58th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Hobo #1: Britney Spears is a pussy.
Hobo #2: I was tapping her before she got pregnant.
–1 Train
