Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Broadway Shows, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Questions, Religion, School, Science, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Time, Times Square, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Now Playing: Wednesday One-Liners

Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ross

Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.

–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square

Overheard by: Holly

Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Richard

Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"

–NYU Dining Hall

Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mark Nilges

Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Posted on April 8, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, God, Guys, Insults, Internet, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Religion, Retardation, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

When Good Conversations Go Bad

Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!

–58th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Posted on April 7, 2009
Beauty, Compliments, Couples, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Sex, Threats

Circus Is About the Fact That I'm Hung Like an Elephant

Hobo #1: Britney Spears is a pussy.
Hobo #2: I was tapping her before she got pregnant.

–1 Train

Posted on April 5, 2009
About Celebrities, Gossip, Hobos, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex

To Ward Off Sketchy Men in Bars

Gross older man: Yeah, she was hot but her pussy always smells.
Gross older woman: Mine never smells…unless I pee on myself.

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on April 3, 2009
Old People, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Vagina, Weirdness

Then the Answer Is No.

Jappy girl #1: Ewww, I can't believe I had sex with him Saturday night.
Jappy girl #2: Was it good?
Jappy girl #1: I don't know, it was only for like 20 seconds.

–3rd Ave & 34th St

Posted on April 3, 2009
JAPs, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Time, Weirdness

Like I Was a Freshman All Over Again

Girl #1: So did you make out?
Girl #2: No, but I threw up in my mouth a little.

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: I hope you had a mint afterwards

Posted on April 2, 2009
Body Parts, Girls, Questions, Sex, The Village

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…

–Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

–107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…

–1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

–Wall Street