Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.

–NYU Dorm

Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.

–N Train

High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.

–Cold Stone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.

–Amsterdam & 88th St

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Medicine, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

The iTouch App We've All Been Waiting for

Blonde #1: I just got my boobs done!
Blonde #2: Oh, wow! They're so cute!
Blonde #1: They don't look too big or rock hard, do they? They hurt so much, I feel like a damn porn star!
Blonde #2: No, they look awesome!
Blonde #1: Wanna feel them?
Blonde #2: (squeezes friend's boobs)

–Apple Store, 14th St

Overheard by: Susie

Posted on February 7, 2010
Beauty, Boob Job, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Porn, Rack, Store, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wouldn't That Involve Strobe Lights and a Disco Beat?

Blue-haired old lady, after flaming gay guy sets off theft alarm: What was that?
Store clerk: Gaydar.

–Barnes & Noble, 17th St

Overheard by: steve

Posted on February 6, 2010
Clerks, Gays and Lesbians, Old People, Questions, Store

…So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.

Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian…

–Store, SoHo

Overheard by: a Persian

Posted on February 6, 2010
Advice, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Guys, Soho, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Apparently It Drives the White Folks Crazy

Black thug #1, holding Indiana Jones dvd: Damn, son, look how young and fly and hip that nigga Harrison Ford was. That shit made his career, son!
Black thug #2: I dunno, man. I don't like a white dude with a whip.

–Best Buy

Overheard by: rob

Posted on January 23, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Jobs & Careers, Movies, Physical appearance, Race, Store, Thugs

She Redecorated Her Mother's Uterus

Man to salesman, looking at $650 doll house: I want the house fully furnished. Can I pick out the furniture?
Salesman: How old is the child, sir?
Man: She is three.
Salesman: She may not appreciate all of this furniture at her age.
Man: Oh, yes she will! She is very detail-oriented.

–FAO Schwarz

Overheard by: laura pieper

Posted on January 18, 2010
Age/Aging, Clerks, Customers, Kids, Parents, Shopping, Store, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners: a Space Odyssey

30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megan

Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?

–Ave A & 8th St

Overheard by: Daniella

Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: furf

Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!

–West Village

Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.

–1st Ave & 1 St

Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.

–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman

Overheard by: Heather H.

Posted on January 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Astronomy, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friends, Guys, Height, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Translation: She Loves Her Mushrooms.

Woman: So I brought Elizabeth to New York and she was obsessed with escalators!
Friend: What?
Woman: Yea, every store we went to she had to ride the escalator! She got mad at me if she saw one that I didn't take her on. I had all this stuff planned for her: shopping, a bus tour, a Broadway musical… she just wanted to ride escalators!
Friend: That's hilarious. How old is she?
Woman: Eighteen.

–FIlene's Basement Escalators, Union Square

Overheard by: K Melv

Posted on January 7, 2010
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Friends, Shopping, Store, Tourism, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Also a Major Drawback Of Christianity

Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.

–Kohl's Store

Overheard by: ho ho ho

Posted on December 21, 2009
Beauty, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Happiness, Old People, Store, Women