Jewish grad student #1: Are you kosher?
Jewish grad student #2: Yeah, of course! Unless it's free…
–Orchard St
Jewish grad student #1: Are you kosher?
Jewish grad student #2: Yeah, of course! Unless it's free…
–Orchard St
Philosophy professor: And John Stuart Mill says that, for example, if a person is drowning in a pond, a person walking by should save them no matter what the motive.
Girl: Drowning in a pond? A pond?! I'd let him drown just for being a moron.
–Baruch College
Overheard by: Hope I'm never drowning near her
College girl: Yeah, it's “Soho,” south of Houston, and “Noho,” North of Houston. Though I guess that's kinda just the village.
College guy: That's what it means? Wow, I didn't know that! Wait, where does the other “o” come from?
College girl: Um…south, and Houston.
College guy: Oh, right. Well, I am from Jersey anyway. I don't even know nothing.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
Student #1: I ate a whole bag of Kit Kats last night.
Student #2: I wonder how that bathroom smells.
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: The Teacher
Middle school geography teacher: What do we rely on the ocean for?
Student, excitedly waving hand in the air: Crabs! The ocean gives me crabs!
Teacher, choking back a laugh: Maybe you should just say the ocean gives you fish…
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: I've never gotten crabs from an ocean
5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors.
–The Spence School
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down!
–1 Train
20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows.
–Thompkin Square Park
Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have.
–Bleecker & Jones
Overheard by: Jas
Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire!
–F Train
Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a…slight fire at the next station.
–C Train
Overheard by: G.
Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!
–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square
Overheard by: Nathan
Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!
–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg
Overheard by: fanny
Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.
–Time Square
Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.
–City College
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!
–W Broadway & W 3rd St
Student #1, taking multivariable calculus: Don't fuck with my logic, my logic is unfuckable!
Student #2: Don't worry, we'll find a hole.
Student #3: By dividing by zero!
–NYU Poly
Student laying on hallway floor: It has to be bare balls to be called “tea bagging.”
Student standing over him: I am not putting my bare balls into your mouth!
Student laying on hallway floor: I'm not asking you to!
–Columbia University
TA pointing at picture of Alan Greenspan: Okay, who is this?
Front row student: Alan Greenspan.
TA: And what is he best known for?
Front row student: Being Jewish.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Just sitting in the back
