Bartender: Actually, some people are sitting there.
Patron: Well, when they come back, we'll move.
Bartender: They're standing behind you.
–Bar, Theater District
Bartender: Actually, some people are sitting there.
Patron: Well, when they come back, we'll move.
Bartender: They're standing behind you.
–Bar, Theater District
Columbia freshman #1: One time, in high school, I found a bag of peanuts that said ‘May contain peanuts.’
Columbia freshman #2: Why, are you allergic?
–Duane Reade, 111th and Broadway
Overheard by: Fudd
Park Slope mom #1: I'm going to be honest. We have night birds near my house.
Park Slope mom #2: Oh my god! Us too! I tried to report it!
Park Slope mom #1: Why are these birds chirping at night? Don't they need to sleep?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!
–Curtis High School, Staten Island
Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.
–Jazz at Lincoln Center
Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.
–79th St b/w York & 1st
Overheard by: Queixa
Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.
–15th St & 8th Ave
Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Kateri
Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!
–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard
Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
Guy: It’s already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I’m not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it’s open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
3 minutes of this ensue.
Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?
–Sunnyside post office
Asian teen #1: I know this kid whose skin is orange. It's 'cause he grew up in Chernobyl.
Asian teen #2: What's Chernobyl?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: knows what Chernobyl is, at least
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.
–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park
Overheard by: Lacey
Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Jatmos
Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days.
–Flinders St
Overheard by: duygu
Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day.
–Hudson & Spring
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation.
–Office, 1250 Broadway
Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Chelsea
College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up.
–NYU
10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language.
–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb
Overheard by: Kyri
Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand.
–Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: gweny
Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.
–Party, 16th & 1st
Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: ceci
Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!
–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Mother, pointing to a woman playing the musical saw: She is singing!
Son: No, She’s playing the saw.
Mother: There is an orchestra playing!
Son: It is a tape.
Mother: And she is singing?
Son. No. She is sawing.
Mother: What did you say?
Son: Go, have a look.
Mother: …….
Son: And?
Mother: It’s like singing.
Son: That’s it, the saw.
Mother: What a nice voice she has!
Son: She is not singing. It’s the saw that’s singing.
Mother: No way… She is singing into the saw?
Son: No, no singing. Just sawing.
Mother: But she is opening her mouth.
Son: She is breathing.
Mother: Are you sure she is not singing?
–Union Square subway station
Girl #1: Where did she go?
Girl #2: She went to the bathroom.
Girl #1: Why?
–Amtrak
Overheard by: mike the observer
