Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Deserve a Helmeting

Girl on cell: I mean is UPS trying to alienate all of New York City? Seriously!

–Prince & 6th

Guy: Is it wrong to break up with someone with a text message? No, right?

–Black and White Bar, 86 E. 10th St.

Overheard by: Andy De Mars

New York Women Know They're Beautiful

Techie in suit: I mean, there are two reasons. A: it's better.
Meathead friend: Uh-huh.
Techie: A: it's warmer.
Meathead: Uh-huh.
Techie: B: the women there are much more receptive to thinly veiled suggestion.
Meathead: Uh…
Techie: What I mean by that is that they have low self esteem. I do my best work with low self esteem.

–14th St & 8th Ave Subway Station

Overheard by: Rebecca

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

They Had the Same Problem With A Bronx Tale

Girl #1: Where did the first movie take place?
Girl # 2: I thought it was Australia, cause, you know, that was part of the British empire and all.
Girl #1: I think it was some Asian country. Didn’t they talk about Singapore a lot?
Girl #2: Yeah, maybe some place like that.
Girl #1, after a few minutes: Oh, shit, the Caribbean!

—Pirates of the Caribbean II, movie theater, 34th St

Overheard by: Anny O and S. Bitchards

I’m Pretty Sure That’s Noman

Man: That’s a nice necklace.
Woman: Thank you. It’s something my sister brought back from…either Acapulco or the Poconos, whichever one’s an island.

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans

Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: receptionist

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

But Not for Real

Thug: Hey, man… You look like you’re from California with that hair. Are ya?
Guy with long blond hair: Yes, I am.
Thug: How you like ‘at? I been thinkin’ about movin’ out to California.
Guy with long blond hair: It’s great — people are more real here in New York, though. I used to live in San Francisco, which is a great.
Thug: Oh, how far is San Francisco from California?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco is in California.
Thug: Oh, what city is it in?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco… Okay, this is my stop.

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Dave S

The Mark of the Beast Shall Not Be Torn

Teen boy #1: I want to get a soda but my dollar bill is ripped.
Teen boy #2: Nah chief, it’s okay; you didn’t rip the bar code.

–New Balance Track & Field Center, Washington Heights

Overheard by: bill kearns

What Are You, A Polar Bear?

Lady: Oh, Coca-Cola! I guess you don’t have gastrointeritis!
Girl: Uh, actually I was going to use it to cook.
Checkout guy: Yeah, you can cook with Coke. You don’t have to just drink it.

–Jefferson Market, 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Nicole J

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