The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.

–4 Train

Overheard by: heather

Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.

–Staten Island Ferry Station

Overheard by: mindy

Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.

–Psych Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: I completely agree

Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on September 19, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Colors, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drugs, Ferry, Guys, Hunter, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, School and studying, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

At Least I Have a Rack, Little Miss Mosquito-Bites

Teacher, guiding field trip: Don’t you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.

–L train

Posted on September 17, 2014
Clothing, Comebacks, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Teachers/Professors

Just Wait ‘Til We Get to the Fungus Unit and I Give You All Lapdances!

HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!

–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island

Posted on September 15, 2014
Dancing, Default, Education, Laughter, Questions, School, School and studying, Science, Sex, Staten Island, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

It's a Sad World Where Creepy Men Can't Talk to Children

Creepy hobo: Oh, you got some ice water, that looks good.
Preschool girl who has just pulled out water bottle: (gives him look)
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, put your water away!
Creepy hobo: She just wants some ice water.
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, do you know that man? Are you talking to him?
Preschool girl: No, he was talkin' to me!
Creepy hobo: We was just talkin' about ice water, nothin' wrong with that.

–N Train

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on August 31, 2014
Creepsters, Drinks, Education, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, On the Subway, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Posted on August 30, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Grand Central, Height, Hipsters, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penis, Questions, Sexuality, Skaters, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Because Then You’re No Better Than the Students

Professor guy: What is “piecemeal legislation”?
Dude: Um…
Professor guy: Well, define the term “piecemeal”.
Dude: I’m not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: …Why don’t I just commit suicide right now?

–NYU, University & 8th

Overheard by: Leah Beirne

Posted on August 27, 2014
Academics, Education, NYU, School, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village

Well, Nobody’s Perfect

Teacher: Who remembers Some Like It Hot?
Student: Isn’t that the one where in the end they’re all on a boat and it blows up?

–Cinema Studies class, NYU

Overheard by: Andrew Jacobs

Posted on August 26, 2014
Education, Idiots, Movies, NYU, Students, Teachers/Professors, Violence

And Sometimes Pre-Mustard

Film professor: What kind of movie causes a bodily reaction?
Student:… Pornography?
Film professor: And what does pornography cause your body to produce?
Student, after long pause: Bodily… fluids?
Film professor: Otherwise known as… Cum!

–Columbia Universtiy

Posted on August 25, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Default, Education, Movies, Porn, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

If Wednesday One-Liners Could Turn Back Time…

Girl on cell: It's 111 Columbus. No, Columbus as in the guy who discovered the world.

–Houston & Broadway

Guy to group: Napoleon is the funniest guy ever!

–Fordham University, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Hipster: Europe is cool, you know, because the towns are like soil samples when you look at them. You can pull the historical soil sample and see the layers of crustaceans and stuff.

–Party, Park Slope

20-something girl to friends: Mix tapes are like a little piece of history.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jo King

Male professor: Remember for your papers, John Brown was hanged, not hung. He might have been hung too but that is a different topic.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Go Rams!

Posted on August 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, On Cell, Park Slope, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Words

Next Time, He'll Leave Them in the Woods

Girl in heels to friends, trailing behind teacher: Look at him trying to shake us! Ain't never gonna happen. (calls ahead loudly) Mr. Daniels! Can we go to Sephora?
Teacher: (looks over shoulder, goes from fast walk to jog)

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scarface

Posted on August 16, 2014
Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, Shopping, Teachers/Professors, Times Square

Teachers/Professors