Reach Out & Touch Wedneday One-liners

Teen girl on cell: …Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?…Yeah, I did it…Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it’s long, too!…Uh, the head is an
average size, I guess…I like how it feels…Okay, why is the spotlight on me?…Different people are giving me that “what the fuck” look…Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You’re right. Hold on…Chill, everyone! I’m talking about my boyfriend’s pet snake, not his
penis…Okay, continue.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Shanny O.

Posted on August 2, 2015
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, The Village, Times Square

Conspiracy Theories Distract Us from What's Happening Now

16-year old girl #1: I want to find out more about gay genocide.
16-year old girl #2: Huh?
16-year old girl #1: You know, what the Jews wear… And baby Hitler.

–96th St & Broadway

Overheard by: feygele

Posted on July 30, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, History & Geography, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: debo

Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”

–2 train

Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Friends, Grand Central, Illness, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Relationships, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words, Yuppies

I'm Talking to You, Tom Servo!

Long Island teenage girl #1: Yesterday the train was so much more crowded. You couldn't find a seat.
Long Island teenage girl #2: I found a seat yesterday.
Long Island teenage girl #1: Ugh! I don't want to sit next to creepy guys (pause) that make fun of us.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Non-creepy guy, that makes fun of them

Posted on July 28, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Public Transportation, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s Vital to Show Them Who’s the Master

Tween girl: Hey, these are cool…
Teen girl, gasping in horror: You never say that to shoes!

–Shoe store, 80th & Columbus

Posted on July 27, 2015
Advice, Shoes, Store, Teens, Tweens

And Having a Ball Together

Teenage Guy: Hahaha, I just put my sac on your arm!
Teenage Girl: What the fuck do you think gives you the right to do that?
Teenage Guy: Well, we’re dating, aren’t we?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Snow White

Posted on July 26, 2015
Balls, Central Park, Dating, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Parks, Questions, Teens

Uh, I Meant the Mind-blowing Sex, But Okay

Teen guy rehearsing: I can’t concentrate on my scene right now.
Teen girl: Oh… I think I know why. Is it because of last night?
Teen guy: Yeah! I can’t believe Delishis won Flavor of Love — it’s been depressing me all day!

–Friends Seminary

Posted on July 26, 2015
Murray Hill and Gramercy, Teens, TV

That’s Mistress Mayhem to You

Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”?

–Gourmet Garage, Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on July 26, 2015
Age/Aging, Assholes, Comebacks, Customers, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Guys, Shopping, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We’re Thinking of Going on the Road

Teen girl #1: Lauren! What is the name of the movie I saw that one time? You know — there was a guy in it. He had, um… hair? He was sad and stuff?
Lauren: Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands.
Teen girl #1: Yes! Exactly! Him! He was in another movie. I swear… Um… His hair was different, though, and he had that hat. We should rent that movie.
Lauren: The movie Secret Window will scare you. Your mind can’t take in something like that.
Teen girl #1: Hey! Well, yeah, maybe you’re right.
Teen girl #2, to Lauren: How can you ever tell what she’s talking about?!
Lauren: I can read the minds of idiots. It’s a sad and useless power. Except, of course, in cases like this.

–Central Park

Posted on July 26, 2015
Central Park, Insults, Teens

Teens