Teen girl #1: How does a female condom work?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, what do you put it on?
Teen girl #3: I think you put it on that thing on the top of your vagina.
Middle Eastern cashier: Do you know what you are saying? Get out of my store!
–East Village bodega, 1st & 1st
Overheard by: Chaz Michael Michaels
Puerto Rican teen #1: That’s nothing. I seen a horse give birth on the TV. That baby horse just come outta the big horse butt all slimy and shit.
Puerto Rican teen #2: Oh, snap?
Puerto Rican teen #1: For real, yo. That’s some big stuff comin’ outta your butt if you’re a horse and shit…
–14th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Teen girl: Do you ever feel that you look like a banana when you smile?
Friend: No…
–60th & Broadway
Teen girl: Hi. Yes, hi. Excuse me. I know you don’t know me but, what background are you from?
Teen boy: Ummm, why do you ask?
Teen girl: You look like an interesting mix and I really really want to know.
Teen boy: Ummm. Actually, I don’t know.
Teen girl: You don’t know? How come?
Teen boy: I was adopted.
Teen girl: Really? Wow! I don’t know my real parents either! Ok, ok. That’s not true. I just wanted to fit in.
–F train
Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Seamus Diddy
Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.
–86th & 1st
Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!
–Forever 21, Union Square
Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."
–Toys R Us Times Square
Overheard by: Non Father
Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!
–Whole Foods, Bowery
Overheard by: office peon
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: I might start telling people he's my son, instead of my little brother.
14-year-old Mexican girl #2: Why would you want to do that?
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: Because then guys will think I'm easy!
–N Train
HS girl #1: What time is it?
HS girl #2: 8:25.
HS girl #1: Ha, I missed half my period! Ew, that sounded nasty!
–3 train
Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.
–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maianess
20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup
Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.
–Grand Central Station
Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: inching away
Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: good to know
Teen girl #1: I have to write an expository essay on something that has impacted my life.
Teen girl #2: Has anyone in your family ever died?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, but no one, like, close to me.
Teen girl #2: Do you have any, like, retards in your family?
Teen girl #1: No, but I did meet a retard one time… He was, like, really retarded, too. Maybe I’ll write about that…
–F train
Dude on cell: She was a size 16 before the baby, but now she’s a 32. She went from Kermit the Frog to Snuffleupagus!…What size are you?
–Staten Island Ferry
