Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, City College, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Government, Guys, Illness, Internet, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Sex, Singing, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What's Vin Diesel's Excuse?

Dad: It stars Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: More like Win Diesel!
Dad: Winn Dixie?
Teen daughter: Because of Vin Dixie?
Dad: Because of Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: I think you broke my brain, dad.

–Grand Central

Posted on August 17, 2010
Dads, Grand Central, Names, Parents, Teens

JAP Means “Chosen One” in WASP Speak, Right?

Teenage girl #1: I go to a Christian school.
Teenage girl #2: Aren't you Jewish?
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, they love me. They think I'm the chosen one!

–3rd Ave & 15th St

Posted on August 14, 2010
Christianity, Elementary & Middle School, Judaism, Religion, Teens, Union Square and East Village

I've Seen You Handle a Banana

Teenage girl #1: What are you doing this summer? Want to have an adventure?
Teenage girl #2: Such as?
Teenage girl #1: Teaching monkeys in Africa how to eat bananas.
Teenage girl #2: I think you can handle that one yourself.
Teenage girl #1: Why are you so mean?

–Central Park

Posted on August 13, 2010
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Education, Fruit, Parks, Questions, Teens, Wishes & desires

Stupid Babies

Teen girl #1: Ugh, I hate that when you get pregnant you have to get a new belly ring.
Teen girl #2: Ugh! I know, that's why I'm not getting one yet.

–Bus Stop, Queens

Posted on August 12, 2010
Fashion, Gripes, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Teens

How Tight Do You Wear Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."

–9th Ave & 47th St

Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!

–Broadway & 52nd St

Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.

–N Train

20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.

–Bedford Ave & 7th

Posted on August 11, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Kids, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…And Would He Give Me a Dollar?

Teenage kid with mini white fluffy dog: Can I please get a dollar?
20-something girl: Nah, hah, what's with the dog?
Teenage kid: I gotta better question–do you have a boyfriend?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on August 7, 2010
Girls, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Pick-up Lines, Teens

Sheesh, That's Cold.

Trust fund teen girl in Uggs: It's really weird, but I have no desire to go to Antarctica.
Trust fund friend, also in Uggs: That's not so weird. Everyone I know who went was so over it fast.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Posted on August 7, 2010
Friends, Penn Station, Teens, Travel, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Teens