Wednesday One Liners Lie about Their Size

Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!

–MacDougal Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!

–47th & 5th

10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!

–11th & 3rd

Overheard by: Hannah

Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sydney

Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’

–49th & 7th

Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!

–Bodies Exhibit

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Posted on August 31, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Death, Default, Gripes, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, Penis, Students, Suits, The Village, Time, Times Square, Visual Art, Weirdness

Why Open-Bar Weddings Exist

Girl: Are you going to Natalie and Ben's wedding?
Guy: Yeah, I guess. I just hate going to weddings that I don't have faith in.

–5th & 6th

Posted on August 31, 2014
Girls, Gripes, Guys, Marriage, Questions, Relationships, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Posted on August 30, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Grand Central, Height, Hipsters, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penis, Questions, Sexuality, Skaters, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It’s Funny, and There’s a Moral

Boy: Knock-knock.
Mom: Who’s there?
Boy: McDonald’s.
Mom: McDonald’s who?
Boy: Let’s go to McDonald’s.

–Waverly Pl & Broadway

Overheard by: Lara

Posted on August 28, 2014
Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, The Village

Because Then You’re No Better Than the Students

Professor guy: What is “piecemeal legislation”?
Dude: Um…
Professor guy: Well, define the term “piecemeal”.
Dude: I’m not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: …Why don’t I just commit suicide right now?

–NYU, University & 8th

Overheard by: Leah Beirne

Posted on August 27, 2014
Academics, Education, NYU, School, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village

“Well, let’s not go nuts. Yet.”

Queer #1: I could fly from here to San Francisco.
Queer #2: Straight?

–19th & Broadway

Posted on August 24, 2014
Innuendo, Queer guys, The Village, Travel, U.S. Geography

They Must Have a Bible in There Somewhere

Lesbian #1: Oh, that store is so much fun!
Lesbian #2: What would we possibly need there?

–Condomania, Bleecker Street

Overheard by: Danie

Posted on August 24, 2014
Lesbians, Shopping, The Village

Could You Call Ahead to the Pro-Choicers on 6th?

Environmentalist giving out fliers: Excuse me sir, do you care about helping our environment?
Man: Oh no thank you, I’m a Republican.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on August 23, 2014
Activists, Animals & Nature, Default, Flyer people, Men, Offers and requests, Politics, Questions, The Village

C’mon, Baby, Light My Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sandm

Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

–E 44th St & 2nd Ave

Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!

–Union Square

Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.

–The Village

Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.

–57th St

Posted on August 20, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, College, Elementary & Middle School, Etiquette, Family Ties, Fire, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hair, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Pee, Psychology, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

That’s What You Said about Eating at Jeckyll & Hyde

Six-year old boy: What are we going to see tonight?
Harried mom: Hairspray.
Six-year old boy: What’s that about?
Harried mom: Crazy stuff.
Six-year old boy: It better be.

–Lafayette & Crosby

Overheard by: hair hopper

Posted on August 19, 2014
Broadway Shows, Kids, Moms, The Village