Bitch, Say My Wednesday One-Liner!

Professor: My name is John, but some people call me Godzilla!

–Baruch College

Overheard by: Nas T. Pezz

Middle school student to friend: Nike was probably invented by a guy named like Nathaniel Ike. Get it? N. Ike.

–Marymount School

White woman on cell: So do I call you Wayne? Weezy? Lil?

–Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: kdice

Thug to another: What?! Upstate?! Nigga, no no no! Hell no! I ain't trustin no nigga named Chad. Who the fuck names a nigga Chad?

–F Train

Man on cell: Aw, come on! You shittin' me. Ain't no muthafucka named "gay-org!"

–5th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: manhattman

Teen girl on cell: My name is "princess," not "yo!"

–B61 Bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tastypaper

Conductor: This is Carrol Street, named after my ex-wife, Carrol Garden. She was great.

–F Train

Posted on July 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Directions, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Men, Movies, Names, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, School, Shoes, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women, Words

The Defense Invoked by Pedophiles

Future soccer mom #1: Oh, our two-year-old's day care is very New York.
Future soccer mom #2: How so?
Future soccer mom #1: They have a yoga instructor in the afternoons and a French teacher comes at least once a week.
Future soccer mom #2: Well, that kind of exposure is important at that age.

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on July 14, 2009
Age/Aging, Education, Moms, Stupidity, The Village, Yoga

…Making Shopping Lists in Your Head?

Gay boy: So have you guys ever had sex with someone you didn't want to?
Girl: Yes.
Gay boy: Like, they're fucking you and you're just laying there…

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: mezza

Posted on July 13, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, The Village, Wishes & desires

She's Our New Supreme Court Justice?

Younger brother: What's her name again? I want to say Eddie Murphy.
Older brother: Whoopi Goldberg.

–W 20th St

Posted on July 13, 2009
About Celebrities, Brothers, Names, Questions, The Village

White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Man's Best Friend, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

The De Beers Commercial That Never Made It to TV

Gay, complaining about relationship: I'm so tired of this…do you think love lasts forever?
Girl, obviously frustrated about being single: Fuck it, Jaimie, the real question is whether it ever starts.

–H&M, NoHo

Overheard by: Yeah I'd like to know too

Posted on July 3, 2009
Anger Management, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Love, Queer guys, Questions, Store, The Village

The Porno Remake Of The Blob Has Something for Everyone

Girl to boyfriend, picking something up: Oh! Titties, a porno! (hands DVD to boy)
Boyfriend, opening case: Ugh, this probably has something gross on it. (thinks) Actually, my hand is sticky.
Girl: Eww! You're right. We have to wash our hands before touching any orifices.

–13th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: libit

Posted on July 3, 2009
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Cleanliness, Girls, Porn, Rack, The Village

I'm Assuming by Then You'll Want to Hurt Your Partner's Feelings

NYU guy #1: Dude, when you die, can I have your Argyle?
NYU guy #2: What, you mean this?
NYU guy #1: Yeah. I mean, I just really like Argyle and I can't seem to find any good sweaters these days. So, like…could I have it?
NYU guy #2: Dude, sure!
NYU guy #1: But don't like try to die just to give it to me. I can wait a while. I think if you just put in your will something like, “and I bequeath my awesome Argyll to my friend” that should do it.

–8th St & Univerisity Place

Overheard by: Argyll Lover

Posted on June 28, 2009
Clothing, Death, Frat Boys, Friendship, Offers and requests, The Village

It's My Own Fault for Serving Pulled Pork

White dude to black friend: Do you want to see my meat?
Asian dude, to no one in particular: You know, the stereotype isn't true. It isn't true!
Flustered party hostess: This is so not what I need to hear right now.

–W 11th St

Posted on June 25, 2009
Asians, Black People, Friends, Guys, Lies, Offers and requests, Penis, Race, The Village, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

The Village